About Last Night

ABOUT LAST NIGHT

When I write on my blog, I normally start off with a headline in mind before I proceed to write the body. We were taught in school to write this way anyway. But I don’t. This is because I already know what to write before I start writing it. But for this session, there are a few good headlines that are running in my head. I can’t seem to decide which is best to use. So I will try to write all these down and turn them into subheads. Then I will decide later on which is the best title to use.

Feelings; not logic

If you’ve seen Sex and the City, you would know already that this line is taken from that movie’s climax scene (the one where meet Carrie finally meets Big again in that beautiful and overly charming penthouse unit). Before Carrie uttered these lines, she talked to Miranda about the same. Miranda was also having the same problem as Carrie. The two have been so much angered by the men of their lives, both issues bordering on whether to forgive or not to forgive. But more importantly, it is about what guidelines to undertake as they decide on the moving forward part of their lives.

Miranda was on the verge of deciding (of epic proportions) whether Steve and she should get back together or not. Miranda said she has a lot of thinking to do. But sometimes, we don’t need to think. We just need to know what we feel to guide us. Carrie points out that Miranda, as a lawyer, is capable of thinking from both sides of the court (the pros side, and the cons side). And whether or not which side she takes, she will make it work. Now, that’s the thing. We are all thinkers. If we think long and hard enough we will eventually not be able to decide on something.

At this point, Carrie said that it is not thinking that she needs to do; in fact it is feeling that she needs to work on.  She needs to know how she feels about Steve and at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.

Carrie used her valuable tip when she saw Big in the apartment. When she thought she was there to collect her Manolos, she collected the man of her life instead. As she is obviously still in love with Big, she decides to use her heart.

I am thinking that if she used logic instead she would not end up with her. And how? After he stood her up at their own wedding, how can she not? But in the end, she looked past all these things and reconciled without anymore thinking. She ran swiftly and gave him a big warm hug.

This love story may not happen in cookie-cutter proportions to us, but it’s almost frequent that we face dilemmas like such. The proverbial heart vs. head question is something we are left to deal with. It may not have direct link to love, sometimes it comes in the form of quitting a bad habit, a career decision or what not. Point is, the answer is sometimes on a case-to-case basis.

I dare not say that for matters of the heart, the heart is more correct. I do not agree because there are logical things to be considered and factored in. And as this hypocritical society is ever observant and critical of what you do, one needs to be aware and on their toes every time.  It is upsetting sometimes how this society can have a comment on almost about anything; even on matters personal.

Today is different.

But today is different. Today I go against the tide and follow what my heart dictates. I’ve always asked God to give me inspiration- something that will make me happy and look forward to days to come. And I strongly feel that He has given me what I asked for already. God is mysterious; I am not wise. I am thinking that this situation that I am in now is God’s answer to me now, but things may change in the future. But today is different. I will believe what I want to believe today.

It’s not like this is a very monumental inspiration, but it’s been years already since I’ve felt this. And I like this feeling. I am hoping that you will not accuse me of being corny for feeling this way. Otherwise, I will not hesitate and tell you that you have not loved at all.

It’s such a wonderful feeling to wake up every morning knowing that there’s a reason to go through the hustle and bustle today because there’s someone you dedicate it to. I am not ashamed to proclaim again that I do feel some quirks and shakes when I feel this way. And that’s always been a good reminder and a good/nasty feeling to have on certain days. Having that makes me feel alive and human. And experiencing just perks me up even more so – to just up the ante because the stakes are higher. I become more fast-thinking, less-assertive and more appreciative of the things and people around me. It has always been a good indicator if this thing has a future or not, at least on my end.

I have been in love before and broken. But today, I look past those heartbreaks and look beyond the pain and the worries. I instead focus on the today and just how beautiful it is to live in the now. I will not pressure myself to think ahead and be careful because for once I want to live carefree.

As some of my close friends have told me, with this new inspiration, I am setting myself up to failure and heartbreak. Why so? Because we’re different. But is difference and being different really a proposition for heartbreak?

Yes, we may be different in more ways than one, but I still believe in complementing each other and finding yourselves into each other’s live- together and apart.  It is simple to say that when two things are different, it is meant to separate.  But it is only us, and norm, which dictated all these things. I am more about learning something different and finding out the best from each other.

At this point, I will be bolder and take this risk.

I say risk because I know that our difference and finding that common thing together will be rocky. It will definitely take more than the usual before we can really find it out. And I cannot simply just take the notion that I am right with this. I know, no matter how I deny it that there will be problems. But what relationships don’t have? Even the most mundane and the common of relationships will eventually have problems.

But then I face this with more hope definitely. There will be ghosts and stuff like that but I guess I just have to keep an open mind.

In the next three months, I will know if this feeling is just fleeting or not. In the next three months, I will be busy with work. Inspiration will keep me going, though my inspiration will not be physically present. Time will tell if this if this is all worth to go through or not. Time will reveal if my inconsistent me will forget and move on, or things will just intensify.

For now, I am happy.

But for now I am happy about last night. Last night has been an absolute dream. I am happy today. Tomorrow, I am not too sure. All I know is that I am living on the today.