Who Moved My Cheese?

I am confused whether I should congratulate myself tonight or not. I had the opportunity to confront my stressor tonight but I chose not to. I held back and decided not to respond.

I chose not to respond because in the end I didn't want to sound like a boy crying over spilled milk or longing for attention. I wanted to face it maturely and just preserve whatever good that we have and not ruin it. To me it sounds fair. For as long as it's clear in my head whatever the status of what we have now, then I should be fine. I should learn to move on and just look at this whole experience as a lesson learned.

But at the back of my head I am thinking that if I wanted to be man enough, I should have confronted this person and made this person know how I felt. That's the only way that we could ever judge and find out what we're made of. I was thinking that the only way something can be resolved is when two mature people talk it out. That's something in an ideal world. You ask so you will receive.

But I had so many thoughts in my head. I already had answers even before I ask them. It's strange that by way of preserving ourselves we never bother to hurt ourself when we know that experience is only going to make us tougher and wiser. And that the only way to find out about things is if I become inquisitive.

For now, what's holding me back is probably just this: pride. In my head, as I practice with full acting prowess, a contravida is only good if he had the last say. If the bida takes the last words and there's no way the contravida can make that kontra, that's it for him. Maybe that. Maybe in this next level, I am ready to be the one to have the final say.

That, or maybe I will change my mind the second that this person tells me something I am not prepared for. If that happens and I change my mind, I know that I'm just another John Lloyd Cruz waiting for another cheesy moment to crush my world.

It's so frustrating when the heart is just stronger than the mind.

But until I fully face whatever it is, I need to be consistent. I need to constantly remind myself that there are somethings which you will never or SHOULD ever compromise - and that's your personal identity.

In the meantime, Odette Quesada continues to sing EVEN IF in my I-Tunes.

Even if you mean the whole damn world to me, I can forget you wait and see... I can be strong, even without you. I can't waste my whole life hoping you'd come back to me but deep inside I know I will be waiting here for you... (this is where truckloads of cheese will be dumped).