tales of the untold

Deleting Memories

2009-03-15T03:07:00.000-07:00

While lying on bed this morning and deleting messages from my sent box on my phone, I remembered Gabbie Bagasao-Santiago all of a sudden. She was the one who introduced me to the words "deleting memories". And I couldn't help but agree with that concept as it is true. Deleting messages from sent box and inbox was a hard thing to do. Especially since I am not the type who cleans up their SMS daily, it takes me an awful lot of messages and time before I start deleting them. I have this constant fear that I might erase something important. Especially in this business where approval are done via SMS these days, every single message matters.

I am writing about this because something struck me this morning. Can we ever delete memories from our heads? Can we, even if we try our darnedest best, ever (forgive and) forget? Or is this just a statement to tell other people that we have simply moved on.

I think most of us, if not all, had a traumatic experience as child, or growing up. In my case, there were instances where I got hurt so badly I know I just want to forget about it. There were a lot: from school, relationships, decision-lapses, friends and family. And there are certainly moments too that which I just want to hold on to forever because they were just too special.

But what if we wake up one day and realized you have involuntarily deleted those memories? Will you be happy? Will you even care? Will you even remember that something was lost, if to begin with the stimuli are all gone.

I remember one of my favorite movies of all time "ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND". Kate Winslet and Jim Carrey had sought the help of a specialist who could literally erase the ugly memories from your brain. Using the lobes and their purposes, I am assuming that the amygdala is being manipulated to remove the necessary history out of the brain. But that’s fiction, at the moment. And until we find that possibility we only have two options: to repress memory or keep trying to forget.

As Freud puts it, repression is the act of compartmentalizing thoughts in the subconscious mind where it is relatively inaccessible (as opposed to regular thoughts). So that bad when things occur to us, we either push them away hoping we could deal with it at a better time, hoping it will change, or just twisting some truth to be able to cope with it.

There are degrees of repression. And the level to which how deep it is buried also depends on how good we are at compartmentalizing thoughts.

Repressed memories do not disappear. They will eventually creep their way back into the conscious. To some that may appear as a “slip”. To others in forms of nightmares. To others it comes into another form, a medical condition wherein you have dysfunctional behavior and to some unexplainable anxiety.

Repression is subconscious. Suppression is the active/conscious decision to remove thoughts.

I remember, when I was younger I would always change how things were setup in my head so I could cope with reality. And this is an effective way to live in sanity.

And the others will just never do anything. But the best way to deal with this is really face reality and move on. Running away from memories will not help. Erasing memories is far more serious.

But come to think of it, why do we have to settle with ugly memories. There are plenty of opportunities to come up with beautiful memories. Our brains are setup not like phones and computers with limited capacity to store. Our brains are like mega hardwares that have no limits. We can take that opportunity to add more beautiful memories.

We can just replace them with versions that are fond to us. In this case, we don’t even have to delete memories. This is what they call counting your blessings.

I am counting. Are you?

the changes we go through.

2009-03-08T01:46:00.000-08:00

Barack Obama certainly had a kick-ass team to have come up with this strategy to get a strong foothold in the recent US Elections. The word he used: Change. I am quite sure that you have already come across why he was proposed change. I will not elaborate on that.

This inspired political leaders and political aspirants to copy this platform. Change became a strong political by-word overnight. Change became the magic charm of aspiring politicos.

Over here on our country, people have been declaring about the need for change ever since Gloria took power. Her rise to power was initially thought as a needed change from a morally corrupt leadership of Erap. Change happened - we liked it. Cory liked it. JDV liked it. And now both of them hate it. Change happened. Cory said sorry she ever took role in the changing of the guards during EDSA 2. We achieved change, but apparently it was not good enough for people who instigated those change. And now change is still something that is inevitable to us.

But God-willing, there will be changes next year as we elect a new President. Change again. I am certain that at least one of the Presidentiables will use that campaign tagline. But my questions are:

1. Are we ever ready for change?
2. Is change the solution to all our problems now?
3. Is change real?
4. What will you change?
5. What is change?

Will we ever change?

I had some thoughts while doing the treadmill earlier. I thought change is an action-oriented word that requires you to alter some things in your life. Oxford defines it as a new or refreshingly different experience. Meaning there's got to be something different for it to be considered change.

But has there been anything refreshingly different so far?

CHANGE IS NOT ABSOLUTE.
Change is not meant for everyone. Some people are meant to change, to keep changing and some people will never change. On the other hand, some people need to change, some people need not change.

Look at Madonna. She is the Queen of Re-invention. She has re-invented herself so many times we lose count already. From her "Like a Virgin" days to her recent "Hard Candy" look, she continues to provide that enigma that is truly hers.

But Tina Turner, the Queen of Rock, never re-invented herself. And yet she still is Tina Turner even to the younger ones today. Could you just imagine if she changed to become a pop singer? Or a reggae-hiphop singer?

What about Beyonce? From Destiny's Child to just Beyonce and now Sasha Fierce, are those changes adding up to anything?

It's up for us to decide whether we should change or not. Is there a burning desire to change? Look inside you and find out. I know I want change. I am always up for new things.

CHANGE IS RELATIVE.
I never thought nor agreed that change is meant for everyone. Nor change should be prescriptive. What I need to change with me and what you ned to change are different no matter how similar they may be.

Even the extent of things we need change is relative. It's not time-bound and it's not measureable. But it certainly is goal-oriented. We all need a direction to towards to but the path we take to get there are different. Believe me some people will want to wander around, smell the roses and even go shopping for a while before they get there.

Even now, I still believe that to move people to change is probably the hardest task a leader will ever have to take.

CHANGE IS NOT ALWAYS GOOD.
When we talk of change, we always refer to it as a good change. I don't know but change is always seen as positive solution to our problems. But is it always good? Are changes really beneficial to all of us? Some change I know and as I've experienced are not good; they have repercussions to someone or something. Maybe that's the rule of Karma, of action-reaction. So how are we going to explain that change will be good for us?

Classic example: When we decide that we want to urbanize a rural area, something has always got to give. In this case the agriculture sector is the first to be marginalized. In the absence of a concrete plan it will cause harm to many of the rural dwellers and those who rely on agriculture to live.

CHANGE IS A PRIVILEGE.
Change is something that cannot be afforded by everyone. I believe that only those who have enough resources, will and passion to change can truly change. Those who are weak in spirit or have not enough access to resources will find it hard to really change.

Even in our daily lives, the way we think consider change is that we know what's best for people. We always dismiss that we know better as someone learned and more experienced. And we just let people know the changes. Only those who decide have access to decisions are privy to details. But the person who will receive the change is left with no choice.

CHANGE IS A GOOD RESPITE.
When we get too tired of our current condition and/or feeling embattled with all the stresses around us, there's only one thing we look forward to -change. We often tell ourselves when caught in this situation that things will change for the better sooner or later. Change gives us a good sense of hope that things will be better.

Change is like a happy pill we take when everything feels wrong. Change is something we all ask for when many things are not right. Change is the absolute solution we consider when there's none.

CHANGE CAN MOVE PEOPLE.
If we work towards the same goal and action plan, if we like what we hear and if we agree whole-heartedly, change can move people. Change is like a blue-print and manifesto we all live by. Change can become a common goal. And when that happens, expect people to move with you.

If there's one thing I learned from experience, it's that change need not be rational; instead it's mostly emotional. In a society like ours where most of us have become skeptics. That or misinformed. And being a society sucker of emotional rub, I think change need be emotional at first. As in any other thing, if we are able to appeal to the kurot ng puso, we are guaranteed to effect change.

CHANGE SCARES PEOPLE.
Not knowing how exactly it will impact you, there's a legitimate reason to fear change. But more than that, some people are just plain adverse to change. We have heard the line "If it ain't broke, why fix it?". true.

But what's scaring people away from change is the fact that we're all afraid of change. We get very comfortable in our own skin that when change is impending we are quick to worry and fear.

Change is something very stressful indeed. All the things we need to work on, anticipate, prepare and face are all very alarming and unsettling. There's just so many questions you want to ask when faced with change.

CHANGE IS A MARKETING GIMMICK.
Change is a marketing gimmick. We often see in tvcs that tell we need to upgrade our lives. That we need to do so many things to achieve a better life. And now we become so engrained in trying to achieve change and achieve the desired output.

Change is something that we pass on to people if only to give them hope. Furthermore, change has always been presented in a certain light that convinces you indeed to change. If you're a progressive person, if you are a practical mom who ensures only the best or is simply thirsting to become a better person, change is for you. Change. Change. Change.

But really, how much of change can it really change us? Haven't we had enough of proposed changes but nothing ever really happens. We succumb to change but to what end? Is change really taking us anywhere?

CHANGE IS OVERRATED.
Change, when presented to us, is the only solution. Not considering the other factors in life, change is like the pill that will solve our problems. But change is overrated. It hardly changes us. We need to passion and determination to effect change. We need to believe. We need to experience it ourselves. Change alone is never enough. It's just a blue-print.

If we really desire effects in our lives, change is good, but we need determination. We really need to get involved and find ourselves moved by the common goal.

Change has been said in so many ways these days. Moral Reform. Societal Reformation. Re-invention. For change to really happen we need to work together. But how can we when the leaders themselves are distant to us, and not believeable to the proposed changes.

After having said all these, I know I need a change in my life now. The question now is how bad do i want it and if I am willing to sacrifice things. Will you support me in this change?

I am changing. Change for the good.

Ah, change.

the gym as a microcosm of today: a research proposal by moi

2009-03-03T03:20:00.000-08:00

I'd like to propose to my community that gyms are fast becoming a complete microcosm of today's society. It's a good reflection of what people have become and continue to aspire these days. Though it may not be representative enough of the whole socio-economic class here in the country, it's a good reference to how human society have evolved. In this age and time where wellness has become a pivotal part of day to day existence, the whole lifestyle of going to the gym has also become a sub-culture. More important, going to the gym is fast becoming the night life that used to belong to bars and discos. Now, gyms have replaced other social venues and continues to evolve. For these very reasons, it has become a breeding ground of new species and the like. Please allow me to break the subculture down. I will try to get as comprehensive as possible. 1. Ang mga karerista They are not jocks, neither are they fast runners, but certainly these are people who make a career out of going to the gym. I do not blame them after they pay a hefty sum for the membership. What's interesting is the kind of "karir" they make inside the gym. if you see them lift weights, you'd think they hold no mercy to those weights and plates. All they see are black round objects they need to conquer and lift. They show no fatigue, just veins oozing with blood and adrenaline ready to squirt should a muscle fail. What's scary is their pawis and the way they drop their weights. Pawis because those sweat, man, come from the very bottom of their dermis. Those toxins and stuff, they might be lethal. And having said lethal, if they accidentally drop the plates on you, you might as well be dead than paralyzed. And did I mention, they like hoarding dumbells and weights. And they never return them. I just wish that they start cleaning after themselves especially after using machines. It gets really sweaty and icky most of the time. In life, they are the serious ones. They are those who make it in life because of their hardcore discipline and passion in what they do. They never let anything get them down. They have an agenda and they know how to achieve it. They are no nonsense. We need more of them in our society of mediocrity and haphazardness. 2. Ang mga fashionista I certainly am no fashionista (as my style is rather plain than boring) especially at the gym. I have never made an effort to come up with a full fashion gym attire. And for what? I am going to sweat on those anyway? But here they are girls and boys who give the adidas and Nike's of this world their payroll. They come in in matching outfit from top to bottom. They come in wearing the latest designs, strutting like Maria Sharapova or Daniela Hantuchova (yes, tennis skorts at the gym, wala namang tennis rackets and net?) in full battle regalia. And to top it all off, make up. Yes, full make up (foundation, eye shadow, powder and teased hair -for the lolas). At the gym. They seem the type who go to the gym to be seen by other people. They do little exercises here and there. They do some chatting here and there. But they put on lots of time thinking what to wear today to the gym. They're the fashionistas, the stylistas. I certainly hope that they offer more substance than form. In this age where we can easily change or alter some facts in our lives, there are really people who get ahead by doing nothing and just looking good - to the eyes of boss, officemates and everyone around. They are the type who can get away with being present at the right time and place, and just by doing little where it matters the most, they still reap results. But there will come a time when those substance (or the lack of it) will reek and deny you those perks. But until caught, expect them to sit pretty and be on cue. 3. Ang mga chisms I've noticed a lot of them in the gym. These are the people who go to the gym to get updated with the gym chismis. Who got caught in the steam, who's doing whom, who the instructor is screwing these days or worse, who didn't pay? They are the lowlife forms who wait for their amigas to arrive and get the chismis. They hardly break into a sweat. But they certainly won't sweat it to get the latest. I call them the typical Rural (and urban poor) Housewife. They are the types who wake up in the morning then listen to their neighbors argue. Those who lean on fences and chat with other housewives while washing clothes. Those who go to church and prayers meetings often with nothing but chismis as homily. Or those who are just stereotypical going around houses with mouth covered and standard opening "don't-tell-anyone-I-told-you". Yeah, it's part of the Filipino system and largely a national past time. We're all guilty. 4. Ang mga social climbers Instead of climbing the stairmaster, some people delight climbing the apex of society gatherings. Those who just want to mingle with the rich and be their angel. In any group you know who the queen bees are, and then you would also figure out who the climbers are. Overheard from three ladies talking at the lounge last weekend in Robinson's Place: Mom 1: Mare, do I look too dark? Mom 2: Huh? (Oblivious to the pronouncements) parang no naman. why? Mom 1: Well, I was just in Boracay last week. And guess where I stayed? Mom 3: Saan (very patronizingly)??? Mom 1: Discovery Shores!!!! Mahal duon! Mom2: Talaga? Sa Station One ba yan? Mom 3: Ay oo. Mahal duon. Naka stay nako dyan at grabe ang ganda-ganda. Mom 2: Ah. Di pako nakakapunta duon eh. Mom 1: Ah. Punta ka sayang naman. Ang ganda-ganda. Mom 3: Nakakatuwa naman. Dapat pala nagsabay-sabay tayo. O halika next weekend! Mom 1: Ay di nako pwede. Nilibre lang ako ng anak ko eh. Mom 2: Ako rin. Nasa US ako ulit. Mom 3: Ay ang saya naman! Sa US. Ako rin pupunta ng US. Mom 1: Ah talaga? Ako rin! Dadalawin ko anak ko dun. Mom 2: O eh di magkita kita tayo duon. Nasa new york lang ako. Mom 1: Lagi nako nandun. Kakapagod na. Hay baka wag nalang this year. Mom 3: O bakit naman? Mom 1: Wala naman, bibili nalang ako ng Gutchi. Mom 2: Marami nako nun. O sya. Work out nako. Mom 3: Gutchi? Ako rin meron nun. One of them is an aggressive social climber. One of them is likely to be genuine. And one of them is plain yes man. Terrible. 5. Ang mga magkakarne at nagpapakarne Strange how the gym has become the new pick up place, especially at the male locker room. The intentions are quite obvious. There are those who show their assets like they are retail items (kalakal) and there are those who prey for victims. Either way it has become a meat section where people could naturally hook up or pick up. Will not go into further details but I'm certain you know what I mean. There's this guy in ABS who goes in to the gym early and goes to the steam room straight. I happen to arrive the same time as he did once. I finished two classes, a break in between, free weights and another hour for cardio (on a good saturday). I return to the locker room steam area and guess who I saw? The same guy. His eyes blood shot red, looking very dishpan already and obviously had been exposed to steam too long. He never left the steam. He carries a supot with him. What's inside I really don't care. But that guy is some serous nutcase. He's looking for hada. And trust me, he hardly gets any. There are real life preys and predators. But what's interesting is that people have become more consenting to sex trade. Load for sex? Sex as matriculation fee? Sex for pure sex. Sex for fun. Sex for experience. Sex as one night stand. And Sex just for the thrill of it. There are those who look for it. Intentionally whetting people imagination and desire by scantily prancing about the wet area, or being too exhibitionistic inside. It's an ego-boost. It's a trip for many. And to some, it's just their way to get back to an ex. 6. Ang mga bully I got into a verbal tousle with mom the other day when I was telling a story of a lola from the gym. Inside the group x room, she almost always occupied this spot. Then one day she was late for class and the room was getting packed. So this unwitting lad took her "place" and positioned his mat there. When the lola arrived, she told the him (very condescendingly and assuringly) "PWESTO KO YA. DYAN AKO LAGI NAKAPWESTO. LUMIPAT KA!" Thinking that this old lady was ready to wage a fistfight, he moved out. But he reasoned out with her saying "If you were really here how come I didn't see you?" I guess he moved out of courtesy. Matanda na daw sya at dapat pagbigyan. SInce when was age ever an entitlement? Oh yeah, in this society, it's has always been a badge. In life there are those who will always assert themselves on you and throw their weight around on you. Those are unavoidable facts of life But what's important to remember is that we just need to be reasonable and be able to reason with. 7. Ang mga gangster There are singular bullies and there are plural and collective bullies, those who can bully because they are a lot. Almost always, they are the ones who dominate group x. They are the ones who always meet up after the work out to dine out. They are the type who'd make work out funny, annoying, intimidating or whatever. They are the cliques who you either want to avoid or join. They are just out there and better be careful. Like HS mentality, ang kaaway ng isa, kaaway ng lahat. They can easily gang up on you. Ang chismis sa kanila are facts of life. They mill around and make tambay like frat boys and soro sisters. 8. Ang mga panatico Expect them to be there, same time, same place, same-same basta same. They make the gym their sanctuary. A place to meet their friends, meet other friends, make kwento, make ligo, make ligaw, make display. etc. etc. They only have good words for the gym no mater how stinky it has become. They are those who live and swear by the essences of the gym. Just like those who are very into it kind of people. 9. Ang mga loner Quite the opposite of those mentioned above. Those who just pop in and pop out. Those who never make any difference, or worse yet they existed. In this microcosm, who would you rather be? I guess we are all defined really by our actions. And these actions become our character. For whatever it's worth, we should see gyms now as an ever evolving social institution too that has helped evolve and devolve the many aspects in our lives. Whether we the gym as a means to an end, or an end (lang), we need to know that we have to responsible. Respect other people and the life they choose to keep. Ang conclusion: This is not an in-depth study or comprehensive research, and therefore should not be taken seriously. Hehe. Goodnight. Antok na from my workout earlier. -__-

When Confusion Meets Confucius

2009-03-01T00:27:00.000-08:00

There are days when i just don't get myself. Not anymore. I used to be my own advocate but as I grow older I get more confused and become more confused. I just find myself these day often in a labyrinth of thoughts and theories as I get more chances to think about things. I have always warned myself against idle time. That's precisely when I get to think more and when I think, I make sure I cover all sides. Not just both sides, sometimes, often even sides which I am not supposed to think about I also include and somehow manipulate the information to become part of the equation. And when that happens, I lose in touch with my goals and there I am again, in the brink of hard-faced decisions and not knowing what to do. Idle time is indeed the devil's handicraft. All these idle time are making me do more of thinking. (A disclaimer just in case my is reading this. I am not exactly idle in the office. That just means when I have extra time and alone time, I tend to analyze myself more. And as I age and go out much less, alas, the moments of pondering have become much more often.) Maybe because we get more profound as new age mumbo-jumbo sets in. As new age stuff set in and I learn more and more from the net and all those self-help stuff, we cannot help but examine ourselves with rose-colored lenses as to what we're doing wrong, or right. We learn from these mumbo-jumbo that in life there are "certain" things that we need to do when we get embattled. These conclusion and tips, devoid of any personal insights and introspection, they become Bible truths that we need to follow. They become by-words. Suddenly we find ourselves intellectualizing conversations with friends with these statements. The rub is exactly at its nose. Those are devoid of personal insights. My problem and your problem might be similar on gist but where they are coming from can never be exact. The fact that that's you and this is me is already proof that we are different. But our Church leader and some zen writers also tell us that experience is all about doing things and finding out what good or bad can one thing can bring us while the wise will never have go through those good or bad because they learn from other people. Can we truly just follow by example and words without really being in touch with personal insights? Can problems and confusion really be addressed by one-size-fits-all solutions because they had experienced it? Or maybe there's an overdose of information these days which we really don't need. It's true that when friends gather and talk about common stuff, you somehow generate an opinion and insights in ways you never thought possible. It's the sin of putting two and two together that eventually crystallizes into something watery. When friends talk sometimes you can't help but contribute somethings that may or may not be necessarily true. We fall in the trap of sharing our friend's similar situation or a personal experience. But the problem really is this: when faced with a situation whether you should patronize a friend or not, most of us tend to patronize a friend despite the consequences. As good friends, sometimes, we encourage our friends too much that even though they are wrong we tend to distort truth and indulge them a little because they're feeling bad. That's spot on though. I trust that most of us already know good judgment from bad. But what if the miniscule problem is the conduit? For example: a friend tells you how bad she's been treated by this person and that she regrets ever dealing with the person. She tells you blow by blow how she was mistreated and at the end tells you how much she hates the person. She looks at you. She knows you also hate that person. You are somehow obliged to give the same answer, or pacify her at the least. Whatever you say as long as it is not against her will only strengthen her anger. Before you know it, you've already added to her confusion. Or maybe because we become more in touch with reality. Since we were younger before and often times protected from all the harsh reality, are perception of life is straight out of the box, that if life presented itself in another way, we feel bad and betrayed. But life's like that. It will keep disappointing you. It will keep blowing your spirit. Sometimes at the end of the challenge, you just lose heart and sight of the goal. You end up feeling ridiculed. You want to quit, or just look at other things. Or just plain greedy? There are just days when you know you want it all. I know that feeling. Most of the time that's my biggest waterloo. I just don't want to miss out. I have an insatiable thirst and passion - I don't want to lose out. I have to admit that we can never have it all. But we also cannot seem to have enough. We just want more. And when we want more and so much more, with limited resources, that's where we get into the trap. Whatever it is that's causing my confusion at the moment, I clearly know the answer. I am a combination of all that I mentioned. I know in my heart that I am a person who want to become better by never ceasing to stop and being content. I want to learn and experience. I want to try things myself. I believe learning it yourself is a better teacher than reading. I also tend to listen too much. Or talk too much. I should learn to say enough is enough. Never be too personal and subjective especially when dealing with human emotions and experience. Never ever give out just because you feel you have to. I should also learn to prioritize. No amount of excitement and thrill should ever get to me when making decisions. Do I really believe all of those thoughts in my head? Am I really ever going to like it. At age 27, I have fallen into the trap of proving myself too soon. All the things that I am not was because I wanted to achieve something sooner than expected. My competitive self told me to never give up and continue to improve. But sometimes I have to slowdown and forget everything else. Focus on the now and not so much in the future. Learn to stop and slowdown. Life isn't a contest. That I know will solve my confusion at the moment. Just stay in the now and be happy. Long lunch for me tomorrow - Confucius would've adviced me that.

Never Knew Great Taste

2009-02-28T01:49:00.000-08:00

reat taste, great style: these are things which you will never really learn. This is something innate and therefore unique to you. It's either you have it or you don't. I think this is something that's been settled for a long time and need no dispute. But I'd like to raise a question to you my fashionable friend, can great taste ever become cheap(er)??

When I saw BO Concept's newest window display, it certainly raised a question and a whole silent debate in my head. How can Bo Concept ever say that great taste is now cheaper? Does great taste have to be expensive? Is taste something that should come with a price tag? Further, is taste something you can sell to the public?

Taste, I figure, is something unique like your DNA. Taste is subjective. It's a personal experience. What may be great to me may not necessarily be stylish to you. Take the case of Betsy Johnson versus Catherine Malandrino versus Calvin Klein.

Betsy Johnson's designs are very quirky and yet still stylish. She reminds me of Cyndi Lauper in "girls just wanna have fun" and that's exactly her concept (in my mind). Her bold and adventurous sense of fashion made her stand out from the others. Catherine Malandrino's design principle is something that's definitely flattering to daily women. Her style understands a woman's curves and so she shapes her designs to follow the contours of typical women and make them work for it. No nonsense. It's really something you'd want to have. And Calvin Klein's look are always simple-minimalist. Enough said. But who's to say that one is better than the others? It's a matter of taste.

Taste is also an expression of your own self. Can't imagine Tessa Prieto-Valdes if she didn't wear her costumes. Yeah, she's been out on tv several times sans costume and there was something lacking. Just the same that I cannot imagine Sarah Geronimo wearing sexy dresses. But what's interesting is that their choice of style is reflective of their taste. I see Tessa and her well-crafted costumes. I see Sarah and see nothing much but the work of stylist. I see Willie Revillame and his taste for fine cars, I see Spice Girls of the 90s penchance for chunky shoes. We see taste based on what we see, and their character. That's probably why Vina Morales will always look 'syana despite her money because she's really like that. Signature baduy.

Taste is consistent. Can taste ever change? I have a friend who's style is so consistent I can tell what she will buy next. It has never failed. The same way that this friend will forever look butch because her taste for clothes are kind of butch too. She finds calmness in buying loose jeans and loose shirt. No matter what we gift her and advice her, she will never change her mind about those baggy jeans.

Taste need not be expensive. It's how you put things together. I know someone whose concept of shopping is no more than P100. She goes ukay and gets her clothes there. She literally sews some of the clothes and alters it herself. When she wears it, she is able to look well in it. I couldn't see other people wearing her clothes. It's definitely her style. But again, her taste is uniquely hers. She has a certain taste for designer clothes, and yet she does ukay too. No matter how, she's able to look classy and standout as her quirky taste threads across.

And finally, taste cannot be imposed. I've always wondered what happens to make over sessions when the cameras are long gone. We see people with Vegas-style change over night. From their Vegas look they change into something classy for tv. They cut her hair, they color it and they give her advice. But what happens after? I'm quite certain that her taste is Vegas style and for sure, those vegas clothes will return. Is that why queer eye eventually folded up and why we never see those make over ever again? Whatever it is, that's purely cosmetic and something made for tv.

And just how close is style to taste? Style is perhaps a clear manifestation of taste.

So in the end, when BO Concept said Great Taste Made Cheaper, what are they really trying to say? Why can't they just say great designs sold at an affordable price? Well there's just no drama in that, isn't there? Maybe this is a claim that should be looked at by ASC.

Pa-Bitin!

2009-01-12T01:22:00.000-08:00

Today was a day of shortfalls. I got bitin so many times to day I just stopped.

Bitin One:

I was supposed to go to the gym early today to get a good workout. I wanted to wake up at 6am to get to the gym early. However, I wasn't able to too well last night. It felt bitin when I woke up at 6. I just went back to sleep to get some more shut eye. But then it's still bitin. I had to wake up na at 8 to get to work early enough.

Bitin Two/Three:

We had our early dry run at ABS this morning with Willie. Since Willie arrived late, we didn't have much time to rehearse the segment anymore, but he insisted anyway. He wanted to get it right and he did naman. But when we finished, the staff only had a few minutes to seat the audience and brief them thoroughly. They just fast-tracked everything.

We took so long to finish becuase Willie wanted to revise the "new" Coke segment song. He felt it was bitin and so he had Chuchay record it instantly. As in on the spot recording with his own audio posse. To be fair, the song sounds okay naman, though for me it could use more lyrics so it won't sound too bitin.

Bitin Four:

Show time! We were seated at the gallery and while the "giling giling segment" was rolling, Mr. M (ehem) decided to pick me as one of the BIGATEN! Finally! My five minutes of TV fame is handed to me. I had the chance to win pa as much as P35K! I went down immediately! Until one of the Segment Producers called out that I cannot join - I'm disqualified daw because apart from the fact that we're from clients, I'm kind of a regular fixture na in the studio. Shucks, bitin again! I had the chance na eh, biglang nawala pa!

Bitin Five:

After Wow, we had another meeting with ABSi at the famed 9501. We ordered their chocolate cake. I swear, that's got to be one of the best cakes I've ever tasted. It tastes like Miss Polly's cake and that's my ultimate weakness. It's soo good. But I already had enough sweets for today. Had Starbucks Raspberry Black Currant Blend, Cibo Iced Tea and now the cake. My throat was already painful when I started eating it. Darn. Then the fruit platter I ordered (which sells at 120.00) only had 8 measly slices of fruits. Bitin ng o, especially the watermelon. Harang.

Bitin Six:

I attended Body Combat, Body Jam and Retro Groove tonight. I had a little extra time and so I went for it na. Weird lang, for the first time, I didn't get tired. I was hoping I'd gasp for breath to save my life at the end of Combat, but I was able to last for some more. Even finished the whole two hours of Jam and Groove. Bitin pa. I wanted to do more, but there was none na. Strange. For the first time.

Bitin Seven:

I wanted to talk to this person. We just keep nodding at each other but I didn't go for it. I was just brimming with torpe-ness. Hay. Again. I had the chance but my friend made me harang and so I didn't get the chance to approach the person. Hay. For me, this is the biggest bitin for the day!

Bitin Eight:

I got home and there's still food left. It was lo-mi. I love lo-mi. But it was just left over nalang. Sayang. Konti nalang. But it's okay. Pero bitin lang talaga. Sana there was more.

Bitin Nine:

I really want for this day to last longer for so many reasons I cannot disclose now. But really, this is a happy day for me.

Bitin Ten:

There's no number ten. Imagine, countdown ko, bitin pa rin!?

Catching that Willie Magic.

2009-01-10T14:37:00.000-08:00

Everything's coming up Willie for me the past few days. He is probably the artista/host that everyone want's to hate but he is just too charismatic in his ways that you probably can't as well. I was like that once, but now I am not fighting it anymore. I am just embracing whatever I can get from it.

This week alone, we had several encounters with him already. During the long Christmas break, we already had a meeting with him for our newest segment in his show. He was just his usualse self berating about the things he likes, he doesn't like and his creative vision for the show and its audience. He just goes on and on. We let him talk. Afterall he is the creative manager of his own show and he knows it best.

In one of the meriendas in the office, Shali told me that she hosted a Wowowee-kind of Christmas party for her folks when they went to Baguio. She even bought a "Giling Giling" CD just for that. Well since I watch Wowowee almost daily during the long break, and the countless times I had to monitor our segments, I got a little excited over the fact that now I can listen to it on my ipod. And so she lent me her CD and synced it right away. The same night on my way home, I was already listening to his medley and imagining "some things" I will not expose here. It was a fun tune to keep you company amid traffic in South Super Highway and Nagtahan.

Yesterday we had a dry run at ABS. Even before we started Kuya already dropped by to say hi (well not really - he said "ano na naman ang problema??") to us. And then he invited us over to his newly acquired place from an old Chinese family just along Bohol Avenue. He asked us if we could go and have drinking with him. Mabait naman.

Everyone was pensive during the waiting time. He had to squeeze in another meeting in between. And finally it was our turn. While waiting time was longer than the actual dry run, I knew he was just too excited to go out, show his new purchase and go drinking.

After dinner with Neth and Paul, we went to Willie's party. It was a huge house. To be fair, when the man was sharing with us his vision for the building, he really knows where to put his millions and make his creative visions come true. He had a solid vision for that place and we liked what we heard. After a few rounds of beer, it seemed surreal that here is a man who's living it large talking to the rest of his staff like they were his close friends.

I really cannot take that away from Kuya. Even after all his yabangs and all that, he is just a man brimming with excitement and child-like disposition who means no harm. He is just someone who really wants to make kwento and want you to be as excited as he is on his new found luck. That's Willie. Feeling close na ba?

If I had millions too, I would be that or even more excited than he is. I too would be sharing the things that I want to do with it. But then again, I don't have it. I can only make yabang what I want to achieve and that's it.

I liked that while he was making yabang the whole time, he recognized too the people he owed his successes now. He gamely said in front of Tita Carol (owner of Herbs and Nature) that his house in Tagaytay was care of Liveraid, and so on. That's why Tita Carol means so much to Willie. He remembers. May utang na loob naman. He still remembers the people who was close to him when he was down. And now that he is back, he is giving back.

And he recognizes too his role in life. In the scheme of things, his level of charisma and believability is hard to question, and put down. Remember he's faced already tough situations before. He was never afraid to explain and ask for an apology to people. He is not afraid to cry, get angry or worse, to vent in national TV or as they claim, around the world via TFC. Here's a man who can make you feel he is sincere with whatever he does. His words will blow you away. Whether that's sincerity or not is a different topic but you know when talks, people listen.

In closing, I think that's the precise reason why the masa loves him. Here's a man who's been through hell and back. Here's a man who rose from the ranks and is now on top reaping life's lemons. He turned it to lemonades and is now one of the richest guy in the Philippines. He did say after all that the best guys are those who have experienced life's challenges. And that he is not afraid to go through it again.

I wanted to get a photo taken beside his expensive cars, but that would make me look very cheap, yes? Sana photo nalang with Willie. Who knows it might be worth millions na soon.

Oh well.

Kaya Naman Pala...

2009-01-08T00:47:00.000-08:00

I never liked any of Joel Lamangan's work. He is pretentious, over the top and just way to cliche as a movie director. I never liked any of the film he had directed so far, not the Flor Contemplacion movie, not Sidhi, not the Sarah Balabagan story nor Deathrow nor Filipinas.

His style is very predictable; it's something that would delight a Christopher De Leon or Maricel Soriano, but never a Jaclyn Jose. His work is just too over-acting for me. When it's feeling artsy, it will never run shy of showing you bathos and pathos scenes, so much it ought to be called the crying game. His brand of comedy is less credible - it's slapstick bordering on almost stupid. And his attempts to do indie and sexy, expect it to be sleazy and still a commercial sell-out. While I know he has a couple of awards(!) to boot that he is a good director, my question is: how credible are those award giving bodies, anyway?

This is not meant to bash Joel Lamangan. I have no personal grudge against him, heck I don't even know him. I'm just commenting based on what I feel and what I know. Last night, all of these made sense when I (carelessly) chose to watch Desperadas 2 as the other MMFF movie to watch for last year.

I watched the movie not knowing it was him who directed it. I had to endure almost 2 hours worth of boredom and tears. I wanted to step out of the cinema (which I did, actually - thrice - to "use the restroom") and ask for a refund from Greenbelt Cinemas, but I came with a friend who laughed at every single scene. This friend enjoyed, I didn't. Something must be wrong in this picture.

I could go on and list all of the problems I saw in the movie, but I will just go through the major ones:

1. Story line was not developed properly. There were 5 half sisters in the movie. Each sister had her own story to tell. In the end, nothing put those stories together aside from those casual beach scenes which looked like a cheap copy of Sex and the City. Maybe there was one: when Iza Calzado steals the yaya of Rufa Mae, the half siblings get into a hissy hating each other for pirating the maid insensitively. This goes on until the end until they reconciled. Shallow but this was an interesting twist. Ruffa's scenes could have been deleted and all and we will never notice it. Ogie's scenes were not integral. Wendell Ramos' role is just as well not important. They could have saved precious kinescoping hours if they removed those scenes. Marian's character didn't even mature. She was just there for her produce placements. Her character said she designed good clothes and uniforms, we never saw her in action. The only time we saw her doing "that work" we see clothes ripped from the net pa and she proudly claims that as her own.

Rufa Mae's story had the best potential. She was this sexologist who got involved with a maniacal congressman who did nothing but to spend taxpayer's and jueteng money on Rufa Mae. It's half good to see their love story develop and reach a point where she had to break up with over a juetengate expose. Though how the whole thing happened, it was never explained. I also liked the sub plot on Post Partum, but it was never expounded. Too bad, that could have been a good selling point.

2. Linear Story Telling is not story telling. There are several major characters in the movie and they are all linked to each other. However, when the characters were developed they all developed separately. In the end, the movie had just too many subplots leading to none.

3. Since the movie had no real story they found a way to make the ending was just convenient. Since the characters developed separately, they somehow had to create an ending that will all put it together. They decided to use Ogie's character to tie everything together. He paid off Ruffa's debts to the people she scammed, Rufa Mae's hospitalization, Wendell's sex operation, Iza's failed suicide attempt and for Marian to design wedding gowns for the wedding. All had nothing to do really with Ogie's character Lugaluda. Gosh

4. Contrived Plot lines: There were several contrived if not downright incoherent and illogical scenes in the movie. If Ruffa was really intent in managing her finances, how was she even able to finance the distribution work she had in the movie? She had the money to buy all her expensive blings and bags, but not to pay off her victims? So with Rufa Mae, she had all the money to eat at hotels and buy Hermes Birkin bags and LVs but not to pay for her hospital bills? Marian had a raging stalker but she never bothered to check how this guy tracks her? Congressman was not sly enough to get a cleaner plan to launder money when he is a gambling Lord and owns half of the country? C'mon!

5. The painful part was the fact that the whole movie was edited POORLY. There were scenes were the audio dubbing was just poor! There was a scene where Marian was supposed to be talking (it had audio) but her mouth was closed. There was a scene where Will was talking but no audio came out. There was a scene where Iza kept yapping but no audio came out. A lot scenes was edited carelessly that scenes literally jumped. The color grading was not consistent - therefore the kinescope output was just as bad. Product placements were not too subtle, it was very annoying. Why had taglines needed to be said?? And many others pa. But the most glaring of all, and yet something we all know, was Marian's poor English diction. I am really wondering why she was given speaking parts in English pa?

6. The display of branded luxury items were gross. Chanel and Chloe shades, Berkin Hermes, LV, Botega and Balenciaga bags and all those ex-deal with Ben Chan brands are just over. It's not right.

Rom Coms need not be like that. Cathy Molina and the other Star Cinema directors did very well producing good movies - movies that are generally good technically and story-wise. How come this movie still came out like this?

I am wondering now what the point of MMFF is really all about. If there're two winners here, that definitely isn't the audience - it's Star Cinema and Mother Lily. More Mother Lily in fact. Her outrageous, nonsensical films almost always make it to the filmfest. We're left grasping with good movies, and here she is producing movies below par. She instigates movies that are below average and an insult to the viewing public.

I came out of that movie house feeling bad. Sana talaga we come up with more movies that are better made and better thought, and not just movies that entertain us. Heck, I was not even entertained!

When I found out today that Joel Lamangan directed this movie, I only had one thought, Kaya Naman Pala.. si Joel pala. Next time talaga, read the poster first before deciding to watch a Regal Films movie. The combination of Joel and Lily is just too toxic for me.

Hey. If you are getting offended by what I wrote pardon me. This is just my opinion.

I am really hoping for the day when Pinoy Cinema becomes more consistent/

Not Practicing What You Preach

2009-01-05T01:26:00.000-08:00

For the past few months, I've been an advocate of austere living given the tough times these days. I've been churning work for months now specifically just about how to get by during these tough times. To be exact, smiling back at life even when life is much harder now. We've repeatedly said there are things that you cut back on but never a smile that only Coke gives you.

That's true. The essence of family togetherness should not be about the material things and the temporary satisfaction that it gives to you. It's about the crucial moments that you spend with your loved ones that make togetherness and bonding really special. What more? Never give up the smile that an ice cold Coke gives you, as it makes the whole moment together nicer than nice.

This is something that I constantly remind people, look for in our ads and even in all TV executions that Lot, Shali and I worked on with GMA and ABS. It was message loud and clear.

Since my last trip to Hong Kong, I had never spent a single cent on shoes, bags, pants nor shirts for the last three months. I managed to curb my spending appetite and just fancied on opening a new top every other week which I bought from HK. I trafficked it so well that even now I still have some pieces I had not used nor opened from that trip. Good. Thought to self, all my polos are still wearable and definitely nice pa rin. So there's no need pa to buy new ones, or put out new ones. I just casually mixed and matched all my clothes.

Then came the holidays. I did very well during Christmas. I managed to go to Zara, Celio, CK and Topman and leave without buying anything. Every time I was about to buy something, I would stop and ask myself I indeed needed it. And would end up putting it back on the shelf and quietly leave. I was able to stop myself from buying extra Pumas and jackets too! Big feat! I only splurged on food and cabs during the season. We had mandatory expenses in the office but that's fine. And had to buy my cousins and inaanaks gifts, that's it. Nothing for me.

(oh except for those rubbers that I really needed since sira na my gym shoes).

So at the end of the year I felt extremely well. I managed too to stop myself from buying a new wristwatch which I had wanted so badly. I was mastering the art of controlling gratification and just managing what I have.

This was true until the year ended. December 30 was Rizal Day. The same fateful day I broke my clean record; The day when all stores decided to collaborate and launch an evil attack on my clean record and assault my wallet; The day they launched every consumerist's dream word: SALE.

It started with 2 pairs of jeans from CK and a tokong shorts. But hey, I really needed a new pair of jeans anyway. And they were on sale anyway. Then it was followed by a pair of Topman jeans and three tops on sale.

I didn't stop just yet. I bought mom a Puma jacket. I got stuff from Zara. At this point I was already feeling very very guilty. I couldn't think how I ended up buying all those stuff which I really don't need yet. Worse, these are all unplanned purchases. To be fair naman, I had waited for the yearend sale naman talaga at Zara so it was quite planned but the amount I paid was just too much - from a store on sale (!) and in one go. Sigh.

I felt betrayed. My spirit was down. Deep in me, I was feeling guilty for buying all those. I needed reprieve. I need help.

Eto na. I was feeling remorse na nga and all that. But did that stop me? No. The following day I went into the biggest trap of my life - this watch store. I was there to try it on lang and ponder further until i thought I was ready to buy. But there was a small voice that pushed me to buy it. When I wanted to say that I was going to think about it, I said Im going to buy it. Too late. The next thing I know I couldn't stop the cashier from swiping my card and charging it. I knew I wanted to hold back but I couldn't let it out.

I stepped out of the store feeling more low. Really disappointed with myself and feeling useless. How could I have let it happen.

I went down to the ground floor feeling flushed. I needed a Coke light. To make me smile. Smile back at life and realize that it's okay.

Certainly, I had not practiced what I preached. It all happened in the last 3 days of the vacation. My fault.

Pero time to pick up the (bills) pieces and pay them soon. In the meantime, I know where my paychecks will be going this month. And furthermore, I am banned from all these malls na muna in the meantime. Disciplinary actions for me.

Spank me, please?

:-)

Who Moved My Cheese?

2008-12-28T02:21:00.000-08:00

I am confused whether I should congratulate myself tonight or not. I had the opportunity to confront my stressor tonight but I chose not to. I held back and decided not to respond.

I chose not to respond because in the end I didn't want to sound like a boy crying over spilled milk or longing for attention. I wanted to face it maturely and just preserve whatever good that we have and not ruin it. To me it sounds fair. For as long as it's clear in my head whatever the status of what we have now, then I should be fine. I should learn to move on and just look at this whole experience as a lesson learned.

But at the back of my head I am thinking that if I wanted to be man enough, I should have confronted this person and made this person know how I felt. That's the only way that we could ever judge and find out what we're made of. I was thinking that the only way something can be resolved is when two mature people talk it out. That's something in an ideal world. You ask so you will receive.

But I had so many thoughts in my head. I already had answers even before I ask them. It's strange that by way of preserving ourselves we never bother to hurt ourself when we know that experience is only going to make us tougher and wiser. And that the only way to find out about things is if I become inquisitive.

For now, what's holding me back is probably just this: pride. In my head, as I practice with full acting prowess, a contravida is only good if he had the last say. If the bida takes the last words and there's no way the contravida can make that kontra, that's it for him. Maybe that. Maybe in this next level, I am ready to be the one to have the final say.

That, or maybe I will change my mind the second that this person tells me something I am not prepared for. If that happens and I change my mind, I know that I'm just another John Lloyd Cruz waiting for another cheesy moment to crush my world.

It's so frustrating when the heart is just stronger than the mind.

But until I fully face whatever it is, I need to be consistent. I need to constantly remind myself that there are somethings which you will never or SHOULD ever compromise - and that's your personal identity.

In the meantime, Odette Quesada continues to sing EVEN IF in my I-Tunes.

Even if you mean the whole damn world to me, I can forget you wait and see... I can be strong, even without you. I can't waste my whole life hoping you'd come back to me but deep inside I know I will be waiting here for you... (this is where truckloads of cheese will be dumped).

Go On And Take A Bow

2008-12-26T12:56:00.000-08:00

Warning: I might risk offending some of you but this message is not intended for you. This is just a general sentiment I thought of five minutes ago. So allow me to just say this.

I am not big fan of literary novels, nor a big reader. I never claimed I had read some of the best books ever published nor written by world-class writers, authors or critically-acclaimed novelists. I just happen to be not inclined to reading, that's all. My mind flies off to dream land as I imagine the first few lines of any book I attempt to read. That's why I always say comic books are the best for me.

One night someone told me that his taste is quite eclectic when it comes to reading. Eclectic? You mean you're quite choosy with the books you pick and read? Wow. Before that this same person also told me how much he abhorred TWILIGHT. For him, it was a literary crap and drivel that shouldn't deserve any attention.

Okay, so far the two claims only point to books which are literary masterpieces. But then eclectic, so in my mind..."Boy he is probably reading books that I have never even heard of." I scanned through all the possible titles in my head. I gave my brother's books a quick visual scan of what could be deemed as eclectic as I try to be smart and pa-know. My brother probably owns a thousand and so books here at home. Some of them expensive, some of them very expensive, and the others I just have never heard of. His taste is quite definitive. He reads certain kinds of books and orders it from all around the world even before it becomes a hit or something. Good taste in books, I should say.

So I curtly asked, "So what are these books that you read? I hope I know something from your list (at the risk of sounding ignorant)..."

"Harry Potter. Lord of the Rings. I also liked Da Vinci Code stuff written by Dan Brown."

I nearly fell of my chair. How can books like such be eclectic when it is sooooooo mainstream??? I wanted to just go away and leave. It's such a pretentious comment. The thing is, we work for advertising. Didn't you think we would already know by now how to read pyshcographic and poseurs?

Come on! I'm not a big book reader and I would know that these books are nicely written but come on, couldn't you try better? These are mainstream books reviewed a thousand times but others. Dan Brown his several accusations for plagiarizing doesn't make up for a credible writer now, does it?

I am not here to argue which is a good book or not. I am just surprised at brandishing yourself as eclectic and selecting teen hits like those. Honey, those are puffball stuff in my department. Namedropping those books will not actually make you credible. How about reading John L'Carres' The Secret Pilgrim, or The Last Tycoons or Monster of Florence? I don;t know just any book that would not come from mainstream.

My years in advertising always told me that when people get to no-choice and spontaneous moments, they resort to top of mind. This is one instance. To be able to say something clever nalang, we just rely on our top of mind general information,

Pathetic. I am jologs at heart and never claimed that I am sophisticated. I am proud that my choices are quite mainstream. That's consistency. I don't know about you.

The next time I will be asked what my favorite movie is: i"ll probably say Lawrence of Arabia or Dr. Zhivago. Para eclectic din. hahahaha.

The show is over; go on and take a bow (lyrics from Rihanna).

Masa talaga.

What 2008 means to me

2008-12-25T00:56:00.000-08:00

Not for anything but I’ve always wanted for 2008 to end sooner than possible. There are so many things that I dislike about 2008 and as these things slowly unfurl, I cannot help but hope for 2009 to come sooner. And as this year comes to a close, I can’t help but feel very excited that finally, we can all bid adieu to 2008.

For the Chinese, 2008 is not an auspicious year; precisely because the year of the rat meant living a life like that of a rat. Rats are known for a lifestyle that is far from auspicious and secure. I wont go into much detail anymore but you get the idea. And since I’m born under the Rooster sign, I am not too compatible with the rat sign. So therefore I am one of the hardest hit this year. 2009 is the year of the ox, and according to Yahoo! Those born under the Rooster have more coming for them.

For most part of the year, gloom and doom were the foremost headline. Big disasters that caused the death of many, the recent economic crash and the continuous bad politics are major headlines for the year. While these are things of national interest, this also trickles down to us after some time. Especially the whole economic crash and all, job security and financial happiness is in question.

In my personal life, I just feel that there are many things that could be better off. I am not going to enumerate anymore but the headlines would be love, work and money. Somehow, though I declared 2008 as my official banner year, it just didn’t happen this year. I moved to Ayala Land earlier this year only to come back to McCann after three months. I had wanted to save only to get depleted around the same time. And well, let’s leave the love part alone as this may get a little controversial.

All in all, 2008 I feel was not what I had expected. I am left wanting for more to happen but it just isn’t happening. As things are bound to get rosier next year, I am keeping all that I can cross crossed so I can have all the best for next year.

Oh, one thing about 2008. If there’s any good coming out of it, I surely learned a lot. Resilience is one thing I learned. I am now more resilient and patient as I go through my shopping. Now I think harder before spending and make sure that I am buying it because I need it and not because I just want it. I also learned to say no na to things and people. And I have learned that the best way to curb impulse is to stay focused and take time. Deep breathings also help so you don’t decide haphazardly.

So while 2008 maybe a challenge, I am also learning from it. What doesn’t kill you will only you make you stronger afterall.

Crazy Thing Called Love

2008-12-25T00:40:00.000-08:00

Among the many other things said about love in the Bible, it probably forgot that love can also make you stupid. So many things in this lifetime that one cannot explain, and that includes the process of falling in and out of love.

Loving these days seem an elusive experience. We keep talking about it like it's a general truth. We keep on hypothesizing why we are not in love now, how we know when it's the right person and when it feels right to just give in. For the pa-smart, they put up so many defenses just to protect themselves from pain and inevitable heartbreak, but in the end they still go through that vicious cycle.

The thing with love, it's like a plague. No matter how you prepare against it or build up a wall to protect yourself from it, when it comes, it comes. And no amount of anything can stop you from falling.

The thing is, falling in love is such a wonderful feeling. I am just stating what I feel is true with me. I've learned in the past to fall in love, fall out of love. Told myself how this person is not right for me, or how love can wait. I rationalized that feeling. But the more I hold myself back, the more intense and longing I was.

Cut to the time when the bug bit me. In my mind, I knew that this person was not right for me. We have different views, we have different opinions, even feng shui would tell us that we shouldn't be together but this person struck me and I find myself in love.

The things I didn't do for others I did for this person. That was my ultimate test of how madly into it I was. I never bended backwards this much (not even to the last person I loved dearly). And I thought it would have a happy ending...

The thing is all that I do and all that I am seem to be never enough. Even for someone who never believed in doing things for the other person just because but eventually bending it just because seemed not enough. I am never enough. I wasn't good enough.

What was I to think? Im at a point, confused and seriously reconsidering it where I am just thinking of myself now. If it was never enough, maybe it will never be enough. If you never waited for anyone, what makes me think you will wait for me. If you said you have so many things to run after for, then that concludes I am not part of that. Then go on and just live your own selfish and antagonistic life. You will die unhappy. Let's see if you find meaning along the way.

I had lived a life like that and so I know how it feels. I felt like a man of the Earth, not needing anyone, not knowing anyone else, but life was just about achieving and working. But I realized how sad it was to live that life.

So now I've come to slow down and start appreciating things that God has given me. While you run after your endless dreams and wait for no one.

I have only one question for you when you get to the top:

WHO'S GOING TO TAKE YOUR PICTURE AND CONGRATULATE YOU FOR A JOB WELL DONE?

No one. No one will even know that you were there for you have no one to share it with and no one to witness that. What a sad life. Sure you're rich and all, but you're alone and lonely.

Come to think of it, you should be happy i am keeping you company.

crazy little thing called love.

when priests go awry

2008-11-28T15:25:00.000-08:00

I am bothered sometimes what the motivation of certain priests are in joining the Catholic Church. Are they really in it for the love of God and the vow to serve his gospel, or to meddle with politics?

It's been said many times already that the separation between the church and state is a very fine line. So fine that it's so easy to confuse one with the other. But how can this be? Affairs of the state are not affairs of spirituality.

I remember Padre Damaso from the Jose Rizal Novels Noli Me Tangere. He was this manipulative priest who kept meddling with the state affairs and personal affairs. And he is using his "spiritual" authority to really scare people. He would recommend ex-communicado status and even threaten you that you will be held in purgatory for not following his own orders. He was one of the most hated characters.

In the Bible, the Pharisees have also been ridiculed for acting the same way. They are priests on show. On show because they declare their faith, the things they do and even how nice they are only for show. But in reality they are the offenders and all. They even incited the public to doubt against Jesus Christ.

Today, we see modern versions of Damaso and Pharisees. Just the other day, while watching news, I saw two priests inciting the public to follow the same rebellion as in Thailand now. Thailand now is having their own version of people power where the rich have seized control of BKK Airport. This has critically paralyzed their tourism economy, not to mention Thai Airways.

Now, these two very caring and smart priests have wanted their wards to the same. Do these priests even realize the scenario we are in at the moment? Do they even know the meaning of recession and economic slowdown? And exactly how valuable each and every hour we put in in our work at the moment?

These two priests are probably just surviving with the donations their loyalists are giving. Hindi nila maintindihan just how tough times have been lately. And the thing is the action they want people to do will have drastic effects to everyone. Is it even in their job description to move people to extra-legal and extra-judicial means? And be responsible for the means of action?

They said this because they feel that the Arroyo government has been very corrupt. But is calling for a mass action a "religious" means? Parang no. Since when is it godly for people to overturn the government in violent and extra-legal means? I don't know.

But in my mind, I am really thinking that these priests from Navotas and Caloocan are just in it because they are bored and wanting attention from the public.

Hey. You got mine and now please shut up.

See you in my dreams

2008-11-27T17:38:00.000-08:00

I know exactly why I am in love with this song. Maybe because this is exactly how I am feeling at the moment. This blast from the past is moving me stronger than ever. Naks.

In My Dreams by REO Speedwagon

There was a time some time ago

When every sunrise meant a sunny day, oh a sunny day

But now when the morning light shines in

It only disturbs the dreamland where I lay, oh where I lay

I used to thank the lord when Id wake

For life and love and the golden sky above me

But now I pray the stars will go on shinin, you see in my dreams you love me

Daybreak is a joyful time

Just listen to the songbird harmonies, oh the harmonies

But I wish the dawn would never come

I wish there was silence in the trees, oh the trees

If only I could stay asleep, at least I could pretend youre thinkin of me

cause nighttime is the one time I am happy, you see in my dreams

We climb and climb and at the top we fly

Let the world go on below us, we are lost in time

And I dont know really what it means

All I know is that you love me, in my dreams

I keep hopin one day Ill awaken, and somehow she'll be lying by my side

And as I wonder if the dawn is really breakin

She touches me and suddenly Im alive

Oho, in my dreams

Holiday? Not for me.

2008-11-26T23:09:00.000-08:00

Im just a little tired today. Well, not little. Really tired, flat and exhausted. It's been a pretty long day. Grind was supposed to start early today like 8:30am so I woke up early. But knowing network time, things are almost always never on time. So I arrived a little late, but the rest of the crew arrived an hour later. Thank you for an early wake up call now I'm super pooped.

Cut to shoot location, the house was just too humid and dark. I had to squint every now and then to get a better eyesight. And the ventilation was just non-existent. It was too humid. Rain was breaking but wouldn't start yet. There was no electric fan, the circulation was poor. So start of the day palang, I was already tired. Thank God for an ice-cold Coke but I felt a little more refreshed. Hey, no kidding here. That really is true!

And then we cut to the jeepney scene where we're supposed to be like under broad sunlight. Rain was falling a little, then disappear, then here again, then gone again...

As I shuttled back from Kapuso to Kapamilya, the heat was a little more tolerable. Then the expected happened, heavy rain. I had to wait a little for the rain to stop and until my sundo arrives from the parking to take me to the next location. So the only time I get to experience aircon was thru the van. Wheww! thank God!

The next location was quite more mainit than usual. UV and machine heat generated by PCs in the internet cafe was too much. By the time we got to our final location, I was already wilting like an unwatered plant. I was already feeling the exhaustion from dehydration and heat. Aside from the Coke and two glasses of water this breakfast, I had no other liquid in my body.

We just finished now. And I felt my blood rushed through my head during the last take as one of the extras couldn't deliver her lines. And her lines were the easiest. She kept mixing it up! Grade two students could have done a better job. Then the last dad in the scene. He was just too insincere looking.

In between takes, there's this pachyderm who kept teasing me about and soliciting money from me. The nerve.

All in all today, I lost steam. No. I got dried up. And come tomorrow, I prepare myself once again for more action. Hoh boy! Isn't it the holidays, yet? Not for me. Not yet.

Kapamilya in SMX

2008-11-25T16:15:00.000-08:00

Last night was terribly fun! Shalimar and I went to the Trade Show of ABS-CBN aptly titled Bagong Simula 2009. It was like watching ASAP nang live. Well, by now you ought to know that my sensibilities are really very Pinoy and pedestrian. I enjoy watching live shows (entertainment live shows, and not you know...) and getting involved in all showbiz functions. So last night was fun as I saw some showbiz people and all that.

But what made it fun was that I've never taken Vodka in a looong time. I've stopped drinking vodka-sprite for a newer favorite Chivas-Coke Zero. Eh last night there was no scotch available. The beer was served from the can (hate it). So I guess that leaves me with Vodka, then.

I tried it the Vodka-Perrier combination, slightly pricey I would think if this were to be done in bars, with a hint of lemon and that surely was heaven. I had a little too much and not having enough carbs for dinner, heaven was just literally a few sips away.

Later on that night I found myself hugging Jing Chua, singing Sharon Cuneta songs together with the Kapamilya singers and saying things I shouldn't be in the first place.

Hmph.

I finished the night scratching my head off. Here I am terribly alone in the middle of Mall of Asia looking for an ATM that would dispense cash. Metrobank had a glitch or something that all these functioning ATMs wouldn't accept any transaction. Okay. God is so wonderful. I had spare cash in my bag just enough to get me home safe. Thank God!

Oh and in the midst of it all, the buzz really helped. Didn't panic. Didn't worry. I was just smiling and looking for some decent cab going home. Heck. I even managed to go up to the 3rd level parking lot twice without even falling. Or managing to count all the traffic lamps we passed (total of 21) on my home. And saw a secret crush too!

that really felt good. but the morning after? bad.

Dreamland became Wasteland.

2008-11-25T16:06:00.000-08:00

I just didn't want to wake up from my dream this morning. I was having such a good dream when I had to be interrupted and wake up. It's one of those mornings you wish you could just stay in bed and keep dreaming. Unfortunately, not today; I have to go to work today and finish some things.

In any case, that dream is a blur to me know as to what exactly happened. I do recall though that at one point I was literally loving what I was doing. Not exactly naive or anything like that, it's perhaps my subconscious playing back this thing that I've always wanted to do. I have been toying with that idea for some time now but I have never really done it. And this morning in my dream, it was just so perfect. I was getting very excited and all until... I had to be interrupted. Suddenly the dream was interrupted with reminders about work. Poof. Dream bubble gone.

I tried getting a couple minutes more of sleep and try to continue that dream but it just didn't happen anymore. And then I remembered I might oversleep and forced myself to wake up again. I rose and sprung forward to the toilet. When I got there, I felt blood rushed through my head. It's one of those days you know wouldn't be too kind on you.

Oh well. I am skipping lunch for today and perhaps get a good snack and dinner later. I am just too sleepy at the moment. That dream did this to me. I feel tired from all that excitement which had no ending. From dreamland to wasteland.

Now if I could only look for that "real" perfect ending to my dream...

Power of Not Knowing

2008-11-24T02:18:00.000-08:00

Knowing something you're not supposed to know is deadly.

You begin to obsess, over-think, get paranoid and all those things.

When Eve and Adam took the fruit from the tree of knowledge, that was considered the start of men's downfall.

The lure of knowing something is such a huge bait. Who wouldn't want to get a glimpse of the future? Everyone would love to hear what the future is like. Hiro travels through space and time just to watch and learn and correct. Unfortunately, clairvoyants and fortune tellers are no Hiro. Accuracy is still debatable. But objectivity remains doubtful.

In any case, what do you do with information and knowledge concerning you? Do you follow it? Do you deny it? Do you just forget about it?

Oh well information is only information. How you manipulate that is solely up to you. To make it work for or against you is totally up to you. Then again, if you had nothing to play with in the first place then that would not have been a problem.

Smile. You're on candid camera. Life's a big joke.

stop bad vibes

2008-11-24T02:09:00.000-08:00

I am still trying my best to shrug all thoughts relegating 2008 as a bad year. Maybe I am exaggerating and not thinking big picture when I say this but I really don't get why this year turned out to be like this. Normally, August is the start of my lucky months, but this year is rather different. It still feels like the year is just starting.

I made a declaration early this year that I will make 2008 a banner year. I made significant steps this year like going out of the country and career decisions but the latter part of the year still proves to be very difficult.

And my horoscope/astrology reading and tarot reader couldn't agree more. Hey, wait. I am not naman believing these things. But maybe slowly but surely I am beginning to. Like Kate Hudson in that movie, the more she denied it the more she believed (not knowing).

I should just stop thinking that this is a bad year and imbibe The Secret.

Hay. Good thoughts.

NIGHTmare on high street

2008-11-18T03:10:00.001-08:00

i just have to say this.

i love bonifacio high street like i love puma but last sunday night was just plain terrible.

it suddenly felt like it was divisoria during school opening and christmas shopping.

it was packed. people were just busy loitering around and making papansin. that or just sitting right at the corners where they should not be sitting on in the first place.

queues were mightly long. my favorite coffeebean had long lines. brothers had a line extending all the way to the next store. need i say more about starbs and krispy?

here's the height of it all: even the male restrooms had line.

how ridiculous was that?

oh yes. the mad dash was due to rihanna and chris brown.

oh yes. about 70,000 fans and oglers went to BHS to watch the "biggest concert" of the year.

oh yes. people were just excited to show off and be seen.

I don't know what's worse: having to line for a good 45 mins just to get inside the venue, or having to endure the 4 hour standing time to watch rihanna do her back bends. or endure the sweat, grime and lagkit from the other singing fans?

or worse yet, standing behind this uber-annoying ten year old kid who kept giving his inane commentaries and blow by blow account of what's happening on stage (kid - i could very well understand and see for myself that the show has indeed not started, and that we had been mercilessly subjected to gross waiting hours).

that or being pushed all the way back because no one said it was going to be this full, that concert! It was like watching tv nalang, on a large screen.

i don't know. to me the whole show was just kind of ridiculous. it was half baked in so many ways. if it weren't for the fact that rihanna is just so hot and sexy i probably wouldn't even be there anymore.

chris brown was lipsynching some of his tracks. he just kept imitating the king of pop (well, after all, he is being touted as the young MJ). and well, can i just gush and say that the DJ performed better and carried the whole show. obviously, i am not a fan of CB. oh, and that looked to very ASAP to me. so variety-show like!

rihanna on the other hand consistently kept the show somewhere between mediocre and high. it was yummy and yet nakaka-umay. her singing disturbia, shut up and drive, hate that i love you and umbrella were okay. but unfaithful was above perfect. the rest, uhm, umay.

were people just tired, plain awed and struck, or bored that's why they wouldn't budge to rihanna asking for a holler from the peeps? that she had to say "mother-fucker" to agitate the guys. the whole show ended on a good and rather high note naman especially when real-life sweetheart and co-performer came out to sing the last few lines of umbrella.

still, though, it felt kind of amateurish. those dance stunts were nothing great, except for those really agitating back bends and hand to head dance steps. the entrance was cliche. the exit was more cliche.

going out of the concert venue was all the more crappy! we had to inch our way out, manage to strategically find a spot where traffic wouldn't be as heavy and then finally inching our way to horizon.again, i've never seen BHS this packed that it really seemed like horror and nightmare to me.

and at 11pm, at that late an hour, all restos were filled up. we ended up eating (and SUPER LOVING IT) at HOSSEIN's.

If there was anything substantial from that trip, I've discovered that food at ZAO was actually good. And it always is nice to say hi to people you know.

ER said she had to endure 1.5 hours to get to Dela Costa from the Fort. Need I say that logistics, traffic, parking and queuing ARE MAJORLY HORRIBLE? the one-way traffic leading all to the convergence points was not brilliant.

on a no car passing zone, there were occasionally cars passing by to drop off these celebs like Bea Alonzo. Uhm, then she strolled all the way back to her entrance with entourage that could pass of the PSG's. Honey, no one here would like to crowd you. We're here for Rihanna, not you. But hwaytaminitkapengmainit, then again, this girl beside me kept chuckling, gushing and pointing at her trying to get her attention. Betty La Fea was loved by that girl.

litters everywhere.

hi-jack taxi cabs were preying on commuters.

resto service was all time slow.

wouldn't you agree with me still?

All I can say, we are SOOO not ready for a standing only concert. not yet. not here. not in this climate.

But I am still so going back to the BHS I always knew. See you soon.

(photo credits from Yahoo, MTV Phils and BonifacioHighStreet.com)

NIGHTmare on high street

2008-11-18T03:10:00.000-08:00

i just have to say this.

i love bonifacio high street like i love puma but last sunday night was just plain terrible.

it suddenly felt like it was divisoria during school opening and christmas shopping.

it was packed. people were just busy loitering around and making papansin. that or just sitting right at the corners where they should not be sitting on in the first place.

queues were mightly long. my favorite coffeebean had long lines. brothers had a line extending all the way to the next store. need i say more about starbs and krispy?

here's the height of it all: even the male restrooms had line.

how ridiculous was that?

oh yes. the mad dash was due to rihanna and chris brown.

oh yes. about 70,000 fans and oglers went to BHS to watch the "biggest concert" of the year.

oh yes. people were just excited to show off and be seen.

that or being pushed all the way back because no one said it was going to be this full, that concert! It was like watching tv nalang, on a large screen.

and at 11pm, at that late an hour, all restos were filled up. we ended up eating (and SUPER LOVING IT) at HOSSEIN's.

If there was anything substantial from that trip, I've discovered that food at ZAO was actually good. And it always is nice to say hi to people you know.

litters everywhere.

hi-jack taxi cabs were preying on commuters.

resto service was all time slow.

wouldn't you agree with me still?

All I can say, we are SOOO not ready for a standing only concert. not yet. not here. not in this climate.

But I am still so going back to the BHS I always knew. See you soon.

(photo credits from Yahoo, MTV Phils and BonifacioHighStreet.com)

What would you want to put on your tombstone when you die?

2008-11-09T02:59:00.000-08:00

Mine said I just died in your arms tonight.

I love REO Speed Wagon! I am having a retro attack of their hits, so I thought it was appropriate to put that in.

Dig the other tribute. Kudos to Celine and Meng for the wonderfully crafted copy for MDJ. Hahaha.

Post-happy halloween!

Prescilla Mereilles is adorable.

2008-11-09T02:54:00.000-08:00

Former Miss Earth from Brazil is so adorable. She says all her short i and e as long i and e. Sample?

"But Beelee, that wheel hev to wait. So steek around when Miss Earth comes back."

Her body is heavenly. Her speech adorable. What more could a guy ask for?

*smitten*

Stressing Over Bottles

2008-11-09T02:48:00.000-08:00

Never imagined the day I would be stressing myself out over bottles! The bottles for the shoot almost didn't come. It was almost suicide. But God is great, mighty and merciful. He was able to anticipate this and the bottles arrived. Though those bottles were not what I was expecting, it certainly is better than nothing.

This morning the topic was all about GETTING ANGRY - for me, I interpret it as staying and remaining objective as always. I remember yesterday where I panicked as it was the eleventh hour already and the bottles had not arrived still. But God is more knowing - He comforted us all with Teejae's news that the bottles had finally arrived that morning.

I really don't know what I'd do if those bottles didnt come. (Well, we had a back up but it wasn't as grand.)

Thank God!

When there's a Spider, there's got to be some shrieks.

2008-11-09T02:34:00.000-08:00

I am arachnophobic. Really. I love watching spiders and all on Discovery and Nat Geo but seeing them live and very near me is really freaking me out. Just early today while we were waiting to see the costume fit of the talents, this huge spider just suddenly showed up from nowhere!

This spider about 6 inches in length, legs spread from the center, was about an inch away from one of the female talents. The female talent, ever so petite, was oblivious that the spider was just a few centimeters away from her face. When I was "calmly" telling her to slowly move away she was just ignoring me, until I finally told her that there was a huge spider beside her. She started screeching and jumping that startled the spider. I am not saying it got startled because spiders have ears, but whatever it is that shocked that spider, it sure moved with speed as it tried to scoot from the shrieking crowd.

If I am not mistaken, this spider is called "talon" and mostly breeds in houses, specifically near ditches and canals. They really get to grow this big but they are supposedly harmless and lucky. Peter tells me that they should not be killed because they bring luck to the household.

Cut to a scene from my childhood where I killed a similar looking spider in our factory by dousing it LYSOL, Alcohol and acetone. It didn't die immediately but it certainly got paralyzed after the candle wax took effect. Hmm, maybe that's the reason why that garment is gone now.

Going back to the spider, this whole discussion about it led us to a new fictitious character SPIDER GAY. What if a spider bit someone and turned him gay? What would he be like? I will write more about it soon, but offhand, we were laughing so hard this afternoon just talking about it. Hahahaha.

PS: Please do not steal this concept from me, Lisa and Flemmyne. ehehehe.

Meantime, I've also had dreams in the past where spiders always attack me. Heaven forbid, I hope I don't dream of more arachnids tonight.

I Don't Need Another Hiro...

2008-11-06T01:20:00.000-08:00

... to be able to travel back in time.

Just last night, I traveled back to the groovy past dancing non-stop for 3 hours. It was pure adrenaline rush and nothing but. But heck, I enjoyed it a lot.

Wednesday Nights at Fiamma afterall is all about the dance-able hits from 70s, 80s and 90s. There was Disco, Manila Sound, Jap-Pop, New Wave Classics and of course Madonna-thon. I just kept dancing and dancing! Saya.

We also greeted Lianne's birthday with Yettie, Carlos, Myrrh and others. She got a fine blowjob as a surprise. She was excellent at it. She drank the entire thing without saying anything.

Happy Birthday Lee! Tomorrow, Ponti!

Legally Bland

2008-10-26T03:52:00.000-07:00

I went to Robinson's Place Midtown today and I was hoping I'd see some fantastic find in this Greenbelt copycat. They've been brandishing the new stores and new concepts they have unveiled since their re-branding. On top of that, they were having a clearance sale of sorts. So I thought I'd find good stuff today. I was prepared to shop a little and feel guilty after, but today was rather a disappointment.

Aside from the fact that the crowd was not as heavy as I expected it to be, the merchandise are all ugly. I am not just talking about Rob in general, but even the other stores. There was some kind of ugliness happening all around.

First off, there are hardly any good looking shoes and sneaks out there now. Except for my all time favorite Puma, there was hardly anything new. And technically it's not new since I've that pair in HK already. Actually, I already own a pair in another color scheme. I had that in silver, but they were selling it now in black. It was just so nice. But then again, Im on shopping embargo now in Puma, until i've fully worn out at least one pair. So I skeedadled and looked for other pairs in other stores. None. Nothing nice. Nothing new. Nothing even short of curious.

Second, long sleeves. I normally love the stuff in CK Jeans and Springfield. But the branches there didnt have anything interesting as well. I've seen better sets of merchandise in trinoma. I am sorry, but that didn't raise my shopping mojo. Zara, Celio and Diesel are no where in sight.

Third, the new stores there are not well-merchandised and even well-reviewed. I dont know Salsa is supposed to be exciting but when i saw the people there inside parang all the lusting just became nothing. It looked a little trying hard to me.

Fourth, there are bazaars happening everywhere. Underwears clustered with mango chips and costume jewerly. Is there any merchandising mix manager looking at all the stuff happening. It's some kind of disaster in the making.

Fifth, there are dark alleys and smelly hallways in Rob. And there are far worse - darker alleys, and smellier hallways. It's the smell of a reeking canal and left over pop corn from the movies. Then the areas being repaired are just toooooooo dark. It's scary. It doesn't help even that the mall is situated near.... uhm, I'd rather not say it.

Lastly, parking is a mess there. Driving all the way up to the rooftop, is not exactly environment friendly. Gas-guzzling and ill-thought. Parang just to be able to set a parking they did that nalang. I just wish that there were more thought to it.

However, I must commend Rob for making their Department Store look so much better now. I have to say that the clean lines (except for Crissa Jean's very ugly space with splashes of vomit) are nicely executed. It looks very warm to the eye, relaxed. Despite the fact that the sales ladies and men are running around like triathletes in tawdry heels, the look still managed to save the utter chaos of human. Note to salesladies, really- if it's not life or death, please stop making unnecessary noises, clanking, chattering, howling and shouting in the hallways. We want to make the most of our shopping decisions. Those noises - they're annoying.

Overall, the mall despite all the facelift and botox injected in it, despite all the "jewels and blings" they put in it, it still is very bland. I can see why. I think it's the whole mix that is the problem. The crowd and the marketing will not change overnight.

When Zombies Walk

2008-10-22T22:11:00.000-07:00

When Zombies Walk…

Waking up today was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. To begin with, I hardly enough sleep. I don’t know, for some weird reason, I just didn’t feel sleepy at all when I lied down on my bed. But the opposite was true when I was on the ride home. Strangest things happen, really.

I can only attribute it to one reason: massage. The massage I had last night was very invigorating. Every cackle on my bone and stretch I endured only made me feel more alive than ever. It must be some masochistic thing that I only realize I have until last night. After more than 80 minutes of pulling, kneading and wringing, my senses were working overtime last night. For once, my memory was functioning again; I could taste how good the fried bangus was and how delectable every pulp of the pomelo was. It was delightful.

The downside? I was up the entire night. And I’m really like that. Nothing ever forces me to sleep when my senses are all aware. No matter how many times I roll, if my mind isn’t tired yet I won’t be able to sleep.

I fell asleep in about an hour or so. But that sleep was not REM sleep. You know that state of sleep when you dream lucidly and your body goes on full repair. And when you don’t achieve that state, you wake up feeling tired just the same. Worse, you will be even sleepier. The opposite is true if you oversleep. Meaning, when you snoozed too much, you also get the risk of feeling tired too. Something about REM (rapid eye movement) that makes you that is really amazing.

So anyway, I was to work early today. Now when I truly need to be alert, focused and well-rested, I come in sleepy, tired and woozy. I hope two glasses of full on black iced tea would do it for me. Otherwise, the next one would be a Coke. Or if I still feel sleepy, I’d get some much-needed zzzs.

I think the thing with waking up early and not getting enough sleep is such a bad combination. I am not an early waker during weekdays. I have not much reason to get up early. Everytime I wake up early I always get late to work. Take this, if I wake up at 6:30 and be out of the house by 7:30, waiting time for a commute will take me around an hour or so. So I’ll get to work by 10am na. If I wake up at 8:30 and get out of the house by 9am. I am at work by 10am too. Strange isn’t it? Life could really play harsh jokes on us most of the time and I am pikon. I don’t like jokes like that especially when I am serious about going to work early. It’s so ironic even that whenever I tell myself I want to come in early for work, I always arrive 30 minutes later than my usual time. Or worse, whenever I tell myself I want to go home early, I always end up going home around 12am or past that. Life is a cruel joker.

Anyway, I am here now at Milward Brown waiting for the first respondent to arrive. She’s not yet here. I already downed the McDo Longganisa meal in 5 minutes anticipating that we’d start any moment now. Alas, we have not started yet. Oh well, there’s still a sausage McMuffin waiting there for me now.

Oh, and the last thing, we start the group discussion later I will be staying on the other side of the room – the dark room. I fear that I will only fall asleep if I don’t try to listen to every word she says. And I have legitimate reason to feel that since so far I am the only one on this side of the room. Shucks. Well, catching up some zzs isn’t bad, but this is work hour. Haha.

I think we’re starting anytime now. Thank God.

Now the zombie shifts focus from food, to the imc, then to fgd. The zombie lives for another day.

An Uber Saturday!

2008-10-22T22:08:00.000-07:00

An Uber Saturday

So how does one make a weekend really uber? And what does it take?

Not much, I say. Perhaps the only three things you’d need would be enthusiasm, friends and energy.

After a long week that was my weekend started as early as Friday night. I went to Greenbelt 5 to cram for a gift for baby Via Montebon. Although I was by myself, it didn’t feel bad or anything. In fact it was rather therapeutic, as I normally would say.

Greenbelt 5 is uber-magnificent.

I guess most of you know that I had a very short stint with Ayala Land (for Greenbelt). I had not been to Greenbelt in a long leisurely stroll after a long time and it felt great to be back in what I used to consider “home”. And amazed I really was. Phase 2 of Greenbelt 5 has finally opened and it really is such a sight to see. The extension part features some of the best brands the mall rats have yet to see. And I am quite amazed how fast the turnover was. And seeing those stores just broke away the financial worries and recession bad news that had been haunting me for some time now. Well, at least for an hour or so.

What’s also nice with Greenbelt 5 is that it finally completes the Greenbelt series malls. I can really say now that Greenbelt is truly connected. I remember back then how Greenbelt felt so inaccessible to me especially when it’s raining. Imagine, one has to go out of the building and brave the summer heat, or rainy weather just to get to the other side. And as if not enough, many still get lost inside the area (not me, though :P). And now with the interconnection of all the Greenbelt buildings, it’s just so easier to go around, without getting lost. And identifying the building is a cinch.

I remember my bosses reminding us all to find a way to somehow make the interconnection work. By that she meant accessibility and convenience in the grand address. I know. As shoppers, aren’t we all looking for little conveniences?

And so seeing Greenbelt 5 now connected with Greenbelt 1 is really fantastic. Although I was not able to take a full glance, I somehow saw a newly face-lifted Greenbelt 1.

That same night, I saw my ex-boss AC Ocampo with Chef Ricky and Sheryl Laudico of Marciano’s, John and Yoko and Sumo Sam fame. It was fun to see them again. Had a fun time working with them back in Greenbelt.

Shopping for Gifts: Uber-confusing.

I thought shopping for a gift will be easy. Apparently not…

I went to Chicco to check out what stuff do they have there. The friendly staff there toured me around and recommended what to give baby Via. I was particularly excited when I saw this baby book that had all the textures in it. What makes it exciting is that it had textures inside the storybook. It had rough, smooth, rolling, furry and everything else. It also makes a sound. I didn’t know that babies at 3 months or so are actually looking for texture already. And hear this, they are also anticipating sounds. There in the storybook had a button that was making all these cutey-patootey sounds made especially for babies.

And I looked for more things around the store and it just confused me more. Should I give clothes? Or something educational? Or perhaps something that Via could use right away like milk, or diapers. It’s such a tedious process to buy gifts. But seeing all those cutesy stuff make you want to have a baby sooner.

But wait. I had to remind myself to give Via what she really needs. And so I left the store… and just ask from mum who have better experience in buying stuff for babies. I am quite inexperienced so better heed advice.

Bar Uno: Uber-funny!

After milling around the mall, I thought it would be nice to go back and see a comedy show. So I went to my new favorite comedy bar BarUno. It was just so funny that whole night. I had 6 bottles of beer that night and went home with a slight buzz and headache. But it was worth it. I can’t forget the slapstick jokes they dished that night. For a change, I needed a laugh particularly because of a heated argument during a meeting last Friday. That argument kind of got ugly and I just needed to brush those thoughts away.

I slept smiling.

Uber Saturday Delight

Gastronomic feast: that’s how I’d call my Saturday. Despite waking up with a slight buzz still, I had to perk up my morning sooner. Via’s baptism was at 1PM at the UP Chapel.

Mum prepared lunch early enough. She served the yummiest lunch! Ginataang Tilapia, Fried Chicken and Pinakbet. I ate a lot. The tight long-sleeved shirt was going to get tighter, that much I knew.

Via has got to be one of the cutest babies I’ve ever seen. She’s so lovely and well-mannered. She only cried a little considering that this is her first outing.

Reception was then held at Chateau Verde inside UP. This is a famous restaurant frequented by UP students and other guests. The food was yummy. I remember there wascarbonaragyoza, piadina, mango crepe and spring roll. I liked the gyoza because it was fried just fine, and not too oily and soggy. I also liked the empanada piadina.

After that, we all headed to BED Bar in Eastwood for some drinks and pulutan at 5pm. Happy hour it is.

After that, we decided to give TANKE TANKEKO’s newest baby a try – 1521. 1521 is the newest resto very near Mr. Poon along Shaw Blvd. Tank’s resto allowed me to re-discover and look at Filipino food differently. I love Filipino no less but the food there, made me look at Filipino food at a higher respect. The food she recommended were POCHERO, BONGGANG BONGGANG BINAGOONGAN. We also tried her silinglabuyo with white cheese, Kare-Kare with hint of turmeric.

We started with the silinglabuyo with cheese. It was so yummy. There was no hint of anghang in that. It was so cheesy and yummy. As you bite into it, the cheese is slowly melting in your mouth.

Then came out the crunchy binagoongan. The sauce was just so mouthwatering. It just has the perfect saltiness and sweetness to it. Every bite was crunchy. Angsarap, lalo, with rice!!!

Then the Kare-Kare too! It was heavenly. Though I still prefer the traditional kare-kare this one is a variety of its own. Partner it with binagoongan rice with tomato, onion, egg and nuts. YUMMY! And the pochero too was served with a twist.

I had kamias cooler to refresh me. It was just perfect. The asim gave the meal enough kick cleansing the palate and making you ready for the next bite.

Trinka had the chocolate with yogurt for dessert. That means dark chocolate melted to perfection with yogurt and nata de coco. To die for. It was absolutely yummy.

We capped the night with Greenbelt and Greenhills (read Kamias Margarita and Green Apple Margarita). It’s nothing that you ever tasted.

I thought the meal would somehow be a little commercial like Bistro Filipino, but this one is a little cultish for me. All the right food, with cutie name study is sure to make you want to crave for more.

I am already looking forward for my next visit there.

Sunday – Just resting.

Today Sunday, I am just resting. Trying to write something for my blog is quite a struggle again. I don’t know. Last week I wrote a full version and commentary of my favorite horror movies but the internet hanged. And all those things that I wrote, kaput in ten seconds. That’s why I am slightly irita with bloggingnow a days.

Oh, well. Are you having an uber-weekend?

Ripping off Gen's Blog :)

2008-09-30T16:29:00.000-07:00

Since Gen and I have probably the same predicament now, where both of us are dying to blog something but have nothing to write as yet, I will just steal her questions, and answer it. As far as I recall this is what they call desperation. Hehehe.

But don't worry, I am going to write about something again soon.

1. Who knows the real you?
Probably my FGF, Lot and best friends Cesar, Tin and Rox.

2. When was the last time you went out?
Just last night: went to Myron's at Greenbelt 5 for dinner. Then went drinking with other friends near ABS.

3.If you could kiss anyone who would it be?
Secret, because we haven't met.

4 . What song are you listening to?
These Dreams by Heart and In My Dreams by REO Speedwagon

5. Whom does it remind you of?
Someone I always see in my dreams but haven't met personally. Maybe it's fate telling me something, or nothing at all.

6. Last movie you watched?
HellBoy 2

But today, I will definitely watch Eagle Eye and Mirror

7. Which of your friends live closest to you?
Probably that would be Roxy. And she's the only best friend left here in Manila.

8. What is your favorite shirt?
Dark Blue Dri-Fit shirt from Giordano, which my brother gave.

Dark Chocolate Brown Long Sleeved Shirt from Calvin Klein.

9. Do you drive?
Not yet. In time I will.

10. What did you do yesterday?
Drink. Drink. and Chug more beers.

Work. Rant. Rant. Rant. And practiced the art of deadma.

11. Do you wear contacts or glasses?
No. Thank God for 20/20 vision.

12. Do you trust your friends?
I do, most of them.

13.Who was the last person to call/sms you?
Kiko

14.What annoys you?
people who throw garbage around, not minding the environment

policemen and their fat bellies smoking when there's a traffic jam

slow people especially when i am feeling the need for speed

15. Do you want multiple piercings?
Planning to get two piercings on my left ear.

16 . Your favorite song in your player?
Mika, the whole album

Voyage, the album

17. Last time you went to the mall?
Greenbelt 5 last night. It was time to see Zara again.

18 . What was the last thing you ate?
Spanish Sardines Gourmet Sandwich - sardines with mayo, lettuce, tomatoes and some olive oil. home made yan.

19 . Which of your friends would make the best roommate?
I'd rather be with someone I am in a romantic relationship with.

20. Last thing you purchased?
Dinner - Three-a-pound US Angus Sandwich

For myself - Lacoste shirt and shoes from Kenneth Cole

21. Last vacation you were in?
If I consider the Ramadan Holiday as a vacation, then here at home. If not, then in Hong Kong just three weeks ago.

22. Do people ever spell your name wrongly?
Though my name is pretty common and generic, yes people still misspell it. That or they call me by second name, John.

23 . What's the last compliment you received?
"Ang laki na ng pinayat mo ah. Anong ginagawa mo?" - Jing Chua, Media Planner

"Ang cute cute ni sir. Chinese ka siguro." - Stand Up comedian. Duh.

24. Who was the last friend you hugged?
Lot

25. Which celeb are you eye candying?
Karolina Kourkova.

26. What's next on your wishlist?
Clean and green environment. More trees. More fresh air. Less hot temperature.

27. Which band's concert would you want to watch?
Lifehouse.

28. What color are your nails?
purplish - i am not oxidating well

29. Date down a special day for you?
Not too warm, not too cold, just enough to wear a warm sweater --- according to Miss United States. Hehehehe. Seriously, my birthday!!!

30. In just one word, describe yourself.
Unperturbed. Still the happiest and brightest, if not the best, little boy in the world.

"Francis, I have a feeling we're not in QC anymore"

2008-09-23T02:33:00.000-07:00

While I was dressing up this morning, I just could not seem to get my groove right... I don't know I just couldn't decide what to wear to work this morning. I already had this nice new long sleeved silk shirt from Celio but then I realized I didn't want it. And so I changed to another top. Then changed my pants. Then changed my socks, then changed shoes, then changed shirts, then changed pants again, then shirt again, then another shirt, and went back to the second shirt. I folded the sleeve, unfolded it, folded it, unfolded it, until i just rolled it thrice.

After 45 minutes, I found my room in a big state of disorder. It was a mess! There were several shirts on my bed, jeans and shoes lying all around. Not including my night clothes pa. It was like a storm just hit my room!

And then I looked at my already airtight cabinet. It just said the same thing. You've been through a disaster.

My clothes have been piling up. And I am wondering why I never considered donating or selling some of it since I have never used them. Like half of it. And looking at all those nice pointed shiny and some of them colorful shoes, I must be trapped somewhere in consumerholic's world.

I will need to do some spring cleaning to give way for newer clothes. It's time to ditch the old to attract good vibes for the new. In the meantime, that's not the only part of my room that needs cleaning. My desk, my night stand and my nook need major cleaning too. Have I mentioned that I have not unpacked my McCann bags when I left last March? And my Ayala bags when I left last May? It's just been piling up and looks like I am growing molds there na.

Anyway, got some feeling that the Good Witch of the East will dish out a mouthful if I don't clean it up soon.

Meantime, where's Toto?

Be Careful What You Wish For...

2008-09-23T02:23:00.000-07:00

...'cos you might just get it, you might just get, says Nicole S. of Pussycat Dolls.

Gosh, I wished and now I got what I wished for. But the million dollar question is: Do I like what I wished for? I initially thought I'd like it, but now, not anymore. Let's just say I grew up some more and realized some things.

Yes. Now it's time to go back to reality.

How I Met Your Mother Rules!

2008-09-21T03:02:00.000-07:00

Yes, you should watch it. And I need to spend more time watching those box sets that have been piling up.

Reminds me, I have to get box sets of the following (or you can lend me, if you have a big heart)

1. Smallville

2. Gossip Girl the latest

3. Dirty Sexy Money

kick ass Hell Boy!

2008-09-21T02:53:00.000-07:00

Although seeing all those creepy creatures felt quite satanic at one point, I admire the movie for its attention to detail and production design. Guillermo Del Toro reprises Hell Boy with so much flavor and passion. You may recall the characters in that movie had so much similarity with Pan's Labyrinth. But I don't mind. The characters are just nice anyway. There so much character revealed just in visual effects alone. The movie setting was also fantastic. Like when that Giant woke up from Ireland Highlands. Then that oracle. Then the troll place.

I don;t know it's just so kick ass! You should watch it for production values. The story? Not so much. The screenplay was quite corny. The exposition predictable and rather cheesy. Appreciate it nalang for the visuals. Just like the mummy 3.

A lot to be thankful for

2008-09-17T13:35:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting to write this for the longest time and now is a good time to do it. There are a couple of things that I am thankful for. I may have griped in several instances before but I think the circumstances have already and most certainly improved.

My post last August 29 was just mostly complaints about the status of my life. But today, looking back, I am certainly thankful that I have found God again in the process. It's a stage I guess where I get to know how powerful and alive He is again in my life.

At tough times, I pray. I prayed a lot back during those times. Mornings, at night, before I sleep, when I remember my concerns and every other sighing moment. Ang dami. And when I suddenly wake from sleep at night, I continue to do so.

Incidentally, on the last sunday of August, our church pastor talked about the importance of prayer, how it should be said and what to ask. I took note and used that. It was like God talking to me that day. And it worked. Maybe I should do a whole post about that in my next blog.

Today, I am writing about the things that God answered.

1. Mom had not been on tip top shape the past few days. But after mountains of prayer, she's been recovering fast and getting back to shape. I guess what's worrying me the most is the fact that I didn't see any of these coming. Or maybe because I have never thought enough. But God is a good provider. He really makes true his promises. And on my end, I have to make true my end of the agreement. Working on that now.

2. Trip to HK was planned long time ago. But it never really dawned on me that it was hairline close until the a few days before the trip. Then came reality check. I had to check how much money I had to prepare for this trip. So I asked my family how much money they are bringing. They mentioned a couple of things that are mandatory aside from the board and lodging. Those alone are quite huge already, almost the same amount as my pocket money. Then my pocket money. The thing is, I would have been more prepared if I had not been buying and splurging on Zara, Celio, Topman, Adidas and Asics and the biggest culprit Puma. All my money have been going to these establishments and now I have to really think about my expense if I want to make this trip a memorable one.

I was telling Lot that if this trip had not happen, I would have been happy spending precious pesos in some more expensive stores, but then this happened. So I have no choice but to be ready. And to HK I went.

I prayed that God take care of my expenses. That He provides just enough cash that I can spend comfortably and not be worried when i get back. God made true his promise. I did fairly well budgeting my money and now have a whole plan set for that trip. God gave me the courage to take this issue head on and just face the matter.

Now I continue to ask God to give me that will to spend wisely. I am failing still but the conscious effort to avoid going to "sin places" like malls, dinners, spas and bargain centers is working. Now I only spend on huge sales (yeah right, buying Kenneth Cole shoes and muscle--fit Lacoste shirts that are marked down, way to go!) and have to muster self-control when I decide.

3. That we got home safe from the trip. But more importantly, it was a decidedly fun and worry-free trip. Mom was fine. Brother was extra-friendly. Sister was extra-energetic and less moody, and me, still the jolly old me. It was an experience I will never forget.

On the work department, thinks are okay. I thank God constantly that He constantly reveals Himself to me in more ways than one.

God is so fabulous. I thank God that He chose me to serve Him. Thank you!

It's been a while...

2008-09-07T01:53:00.000-07:00

since I last blogged. I've been quite busy and uninspired the past few weeks and that resulted to no post. But today I will blog again. Or maybe in a while. I will type it first in MS Word then transfer it here. That works better for me. See you soon.

SIGH

2008-08-29T01:29:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to fight off the blues for the past few nights. There's just so many things happening now that I've began to lose track of my own problems. Well and good. But as these problems and blues compound, I am already beginning to feel that something is about to give. My happy self.

Well, not really. I will still be the jolly guy I've always been known but more and more the mean streak I've tried to contain has been slowly slipping. Today alone, I think I said several unkind statements to the people here in the office. I am not even counting the mumbles and grumbles I said on my way to work.

Like KC and Richard's movie, for the first time, I woke up with a frown on my face. I don't know why I was frowning but I was certainly sure that I am not happy with something.

Maybe I am just feeling a little pressured these days that work has been piling up. On top of that, I have some personal matters which I need to attend to. That and some family duties. Plus the long weekends are just longer work weeks for me.

Try to stay positive. Smile.

Di bale, next week naka leave ako!!

Nice to Know

2008-08-11T18:52:00.000-07:00

It's nice to know that there are good people who would always be willing to help.

It's nice to know that God's love is new every morning, and He is faithful.

It's nice to know that no matter what happens, God loves us.

It's nice to know that insurances and HMOs do work and save you troubles.

It's nice to know that friends and family will always be there for you.

It's nice to know that we will be alright.

Birthday! Birthday!

2008-08-11T18:42:00.000-07:00

Today is Gen's Birthday! - Happy Birthday Gen. Thanks for the sweet, fun, sour and adventurous moments you shared with me. Thanks for being a good friend, good boss and good seat mate. You are God's blessing to many of us. Have a happy b!

On August 20, it's Mervin's birthday! Nainis ka sa akin, mas nainis ako sayo. Dinala mo ako sa Ayala. Tumakas ako. You've sincerely been a good friend to me despite the many times that I couldn't. For this I am really thankful and want nothing but the best for you on your birthday.

On August 22, it's my birthday! I just request for good health for my family, peace of mind and happiness on a daily basis. Cash will definitely be welcomed with open wallets :-)

Ka-birthday ko nga pala si Sando. Hmph. Sumabay ka pa.

On August 23, it's Shali's birthday! Isa ka pa. Hehe. Advanced greeting to you, hope you get your US Visa approved. And more years for you and Ian to come.

To those that I missed putting here, sorry, I am using my memory now for all these data. My memory bank has this message always blinking : memory is low.

haha

Birthday! Birthday!

2008-08-11T18:41:00.000-07:00

Learning to Prioritize

2008-08-11T17:58:00.000-07:00

The human mind will never really understand human behavior. For most of us, it's just so easy to judge other people and say out loud how you feel. But did we ever really think long and hard enough to understand the motivations of other people?

The past few days I've discovered something new about myself. I remember being called "magulo" or disorganized several times by my family. Having probably seen the many decisions, whether right, wrong, or wishy-washy, I've made in the past 26 years, it's easy for them to conclude that. But never did I articulate what's also going on in my mind as I made those decisions. For many a time now, I've consciously made decisions not according to cognitive experience and rational answers, but as to what feels right.

But arriving at a decision is never easy. Not for me. Not definitely on personal matters. I would be able to come up with better decisions probably when it comes with work-related matters. Whenever I am faced with making personal decisions, I go through a series of emotional highs and lows. More often than not, I flip-flop my mind, weigh my options, get excited and then lose steam in the same minute. It's like I don't know what I want for myself.

It's hard to focus. There are just days when you get distracted so easily and swayed so easily despite the two hours of nonstop mental psyching. It's hard to focus knowing that there are so many opportunities available and you don't want to lose out on any of them. At the end of it, you lose yourself in a series of irrelevant thoughts and muddled theories and forced realizations.

My problem: I am excitable.

I get excited easily and I lose it just as fast. I get swayed by my own thoughts. I lose myself and my firm stance when I get excited. I get impulsive and really incoherent when I get excited. My determination is at its peak when I am excited. But when I lose excitement, expect me to be out of it on the same minute.

I cannot keep this way. I've already done some mistakes and made unfortunate decisions by being excited. I've lost what could have been a nice opportunity for losing focus.

My solution: Prioritize

I've learned that I cannot stop myself from getting excited. That's inborn to me. No matter how I psyche myself and focus, this behavior will not change, not immediately at least. And because there are so many things I want to do with my life with so little time and resources, I need to learn how to prioritize. Understand that life will throw at me several opportunities, but learn not to take all of them. Just take what's good for me at this time, and what's ripe for picking. And learn to shun away the other things and concentrate, and be thankful with what I have at the moment.

Just recently, I've had another dilemma. CEBU PACIFIC SEAT SALE. The problem with zero fare that it sounds more tempting that it really is. Zero Fare does sound very inviting. Imagine being able to travel without paying for your trip!? Now, that's what you think.

Cut to four months ago: I decided that because of rising gas prices, inflation and several other unachieved dreams, I need to save money for now and delay personal gratification, aside from shopping. Meaning: no expensive purchases anymore after this macbook. I will need to delay most of it.

Then came the sale. I booked hastily forgetting what I vowed. Two months after came the credit card bill, which I paid in full. It wasn't expensive. For a trip to HK, at Zero Fare, I was only charged less than five thousand. It's quite a steal, eh? Now the planning part.

This is the part where it hurts. I started computing for the potential expenses: first on the list were subsistence expenses: hotel, food, transportation; next was the mandatory surcharges like airport taxes, exit payments, re-entry payments, visas; and then finally the leisure expenses: shopping and lifestyle.

It would have been a complete failure if I go on that trip and not enjoy, nor spend. I would look kawawa if I just window-shopped. I know I would end up panic buying anyway. I could afford it. I've saved enough money for that. No problem. I was sooo ready for the trip, even if I was going to travel alone.

Cut to 48 hours ago. I realized two things:

1. At times like now where we have to do our part to save up and spend a little, how can I blow dough just like that? Is it really going to be worth it? I am travelling alone. I am not necessarily in need of anything now. I've got and bought good stuff here already, the trip was just a bonus.

Somehow it just doesn't make sense anymore. While I know that this is self-entitlement, but there are many other opportunities to do this. I am blowing some 20grand on mandatory expenses alone. And then the subsistence pa, which I have to all pay on my own. Somehow there is something wrong in this scenario.

I could very well afford to pay for a brand new chronos watch with that amount I am spending sans shopping. Maybe it's nice to hear but i decided it's not worth it.

I may have saved like 8K for the ticket, but I will be losing some 80k in other expenses that are not as paramount to me at the moment.

Prioritize: This is not the last time I'd get to travel. Come December me and my bestest friends are going to Singapore. I don't need to do it now.

2. Mom has not been feeling well the past few days. She's been going to the hospital for a battery of consultations and treatments. She is undergoing therapy too for her back injury. Needless to say she's not in her best elements these days.

How can I go gallivant somewhere else when I know that someone here whom I love dearly is not feeling well? How can I?

Prioritize: delay the trip. When I was sick before, she took plenty of painstaking time caring for me. It's time I delay gratification and care for her now. Now, especially that she needs encouragement the most.

Needless to say, this Hong Kong trip is cancelled. It's true that i didn't devote too much time on planning what to do there, and how to get by. Maybe that's a sign telling me as well that there's nothing much out there. But I do know that I have other obligations here that need to be done.

Hong Kong will be there forever. And i will be able to go there soon, or who knows even farther.

I am not sad that I am missing this trip. I am happy that I am doing the right thing and learning more in life.

Until my next roller coaster trip... :)

PS:I composed this message while waiting outside the therapy room of St. Lukes.

Much Ado About 8-8-8

2008-08-07T22:50:00.000-07:00

I remember two years ago, The Omen featuring Julia Stiles was re-interpreted. Updating the doomsday and devil's spawn story, 6-6-6 seemed like the perfect marketing gimmick. Last year could have been the religious' turn.

According to Bible Scholars, 7 is God's number. 7 is considered complete. 6 is considered incomplete, as this is the devil's number. 7 days in the creation. 7 days and 7 nights Jonah spent inside the big fish. 7 crowns. And many other 7. 7-7-7 could have very well been our last day on Earth.

This year 8 takes prominence. Whether you take it as infinity symbol, a symbolism of blossom or whatever that is you believe in, definitely there’s something superstitious about the number 8. To some 8-8-8 will be very auspicious, but to some other, it’s bad luck. Why? Read this article from THE CHINA POST.

Today, July 29, is the first day of the seventh month of the Chinese lunar calendar. In local folklore, it is the beginning of the Ghost Month, when the gates of the underworld are open and ghosts are free to roam among the living, in search of food to live on for the rest of the year.

To many people in Taiwan, except for funeral rites, no major personal events are to happen during the thirty days of Ghost Month. Weddings, inaugurations, moving house and other big occasions are shunned, for fear of bad luck. Potentially life-threatening activities, such as medical operations, long-distance travel and even swimming are also avoided at all costs, if possible.

Instead, to appease the wayward ghosts, offerings of food and incense are made to them in temples throughout the island. Gold and silver paper symbolizing money is burnt to allow the ghosts to live well. Families also make offerings of food to their ancestors at their places of interment. And for the lonely spirits who have no one to worship or feed them, people go to temples to pray that they return to the underworld contented, and not remain on earth to wreak havoc. These events take place throughout the thirty days.

Meanwhile, the central event of Ghost Month is the Chungyuan Pudu (mid-year) festival, also called Ghost Festival, on the fifteenth of the lunar month, or Aug. 12 this year. At Buddhist and Taoist temples, plenty of worshippers chant verses from scripture, light incense sticks and burn symbolic money to help the ghosts successfully make the journey to the living world.

This "bai bai" ritual is unique to Taiwan, as the tradition of observing Ghost Month originates from the mainland forebears of many residents who migrated to the island centuries ago during the Ching Dynasty. To put a stop to the violent feuds that often occurred between families of landowners and other settlers, it was agreed upon that a special festival would take place every year to honor the dead. Different families would take charge of organizing ceremonies each year.

The choice of the fifteenth day is due mainly to the melding of Taoist and Buddhist customs among the settlers. In Taoism, the fifteenth day is when the Earth God (Tu Di Gung) comes down to earth to judge good and bad people, while Buddhists make offerings on that day to save Buddha's mother from the Sangha spirits. The combined significance of the Chungyuan festival makes it one of the three major spiritually linked festival events in Taiwan, along with Lunar New Year and the Ching Ming grave-sweeping festival.

Of the various mass observations of the Chungyuan festival around Taiwan, the most popular is the one held in the northern port city of Keelung. In addition to the rituals noted above, worshippers release a horde of water lanterns into the sea to guide the spirits of the dead. It is believed that the farther that the lanterns float, the safer the ghosts will be and the luckier worshippers will become in the coming year.

On the last day of the ghost month, the underworld spirits are to leave the living world. Before life returns to normal on the next day, the start of the eighth lunar month, temple monks symbolically "chase" the ghosts back to their world and close the gates of hell.

Despite the stigma attached to Ghost Month, it is not a particularly unlucky time of year, according to local astrologers. In fact, Taiwan's version of Valentine's Day falls on the seventh day of the lunar month, or Aug. 4. Plus, Chinese Father's Day (Aug. 8) is simultaneously the eleventh day of this year's Ghost Month.

Meanwhile, certain Buddhists view Ghost Month as a lucky time of year. Also, a minority of lovers has bucked the trend in recent years by getting married during the period.

However, given the longstanding significance that these thirty days have on many families in Taiwan, Ghost Month and the Chungyuan Pudu are likely to remain a major annual event on the island for quite a while.

Dinner at Bistro Filipino

2008-08-03T13:35:00.000-07:00

Since Bistro Filipino had been some sort of an Urban Legend to us, we had a slight difficulty looking for it. We knew it was at The Fort but which part? I always thought it was somewhere between 32nd and 5th streets, but apparently it's not there.

So after ER and Trinka harassed me to "ask" this person off the street, we eventually found it. But by the time we found it, we were really starving. Come to think of it, it was already past 8 and we were still cruising along the streets of the Fort with no idea in mind in ER's brand new RAV 4. But it was worth the wait, I have to say.

Service was fantastic. We were attended to soon we arrived. We have been apprised like 4x that our tables were being set already and if we didn't mind waiting. So while ER and Trinka smoked, we were just outside trying to decide which entree to order. We ordered and waited...

Then came a basketful of hot pandesal. As soon as we dipped our hands onto the basket, we knew that was it. Piping hot pandesal with butter did it for me. I even had seconds!

Then came our food. It was absolutely sumptuous. I got to try ER's crispy and yet so smooth and easy foie gras. As I ate it, it was slowly melting away in my tongue. And trinka's pork binagoongan was fantastic too! But my kare-kare was the absolute best!

Posting photos here. You drop by soon. It will be worth visiting, i am telling you.

One in a Million

2008-07-25T19:16:00.000-07:00

Just when I thought that this world couldn't get any more self-centered, I was wrong.

For the past few months, with everything that's been happening to our society, to gas prices, to crimes and scandals, I knew something was terribly wrong. People are becoming more self-centered these days.

In business, the petrol companies would know by heart (if they really have it) that people living on the poverty line are feeling more and more the pressures of daily living. Gas prices have soared to all time high and has no signs of slowing down soon as world gas prices soar. Understand that they are in this business for profit no less but then isn't there really anything that they could do to cushion these pressures? I know we cannot alleviate it, but perhaps there must be an easier way to break it to us gently, yes? Or perhaps even offer alternative fuel that will be affordable enough? All for money.

Or self drumbeaters. Those who just talk about themselves in public. You know who I am talking about - celebs who have nothing better to do than talk about themselves like they are the center of the universe.

Last night was different. Ria and I were supposed to go to Emerald Avenue to go to the Night Market. But she noticed that her car was about to overheat again. So we went to stop by Shell. As soon as we pulled over, I looked for water to douse the engine. The guard gladly pointed out where I can get water. After several attempts, parang there was not much change.

Then a gas boy and a bystander came. They gladly helped us and gave tips and observations on what could be wrong. Mr Bystander said that the engine fan wasn't working. Several discussons after he asked if we had extra wire so he could fix it. At that late an hour, no hardware was available. We were getting ready to just leave the car there when he went to check his car if he had extra.

When he came back, he did have an extra wire. Not only that he wired the engine fan himself! Good samaritans still exist apparently.

Nice one. Talagang one in a million. So meron pa palang taong ganyan.

Thank you sayo.

Lessons from Miss Universe

2008-07-25T18:39:00.000-07:00

Gone are the days when beauty pageant contestants dish out "World Peace" 100 times per minute. In fact, I have not heard this statement for some time now. Blame the movie MISS CONGENIALITY for perpetuating such bimbette stereotypes to those ditzes.

But never did I imagine, in such YODA-proportions that Miss Universe will become such an interesting piece of event to my advertising life.

Sunny Thursday and I was rushing to make it to my meeting with our Client Service Directors at the Ex-Com Conference Room. The smell of coffee seemed very inviting for a non-caffeine drinker like me. The air-con was just right. The yellow walls inside the room seemed more yellow and brighter than usual. It was a lovely morning. Until we started meeting.

No Agency life is ever complete if you do not compete. In this case, competing with the rest of the world. It was that time of the year when entries have to be sent to New York for the NYFestivals aka AME Awards. I cannot be prouder. Imagine showcasing all the hard work you put in a campaign? Isn't that exhilarating? Yes!

But that meant more work. More work meant nothing since I am a stress puppy but what killed the excitement was that we only had a few hours to do it. Apparently bureaucracy set in and red tape killed it. And now we're cramming.

I would have wanted to put in more time and thought to the contest piece as this could be IT for me. But how can I do that when I have meager resources in my hands? Almost no time, no writers, no budget, no motivation. It had nothing (hearing Whitney H belting any moment now).

And we started bargaining and complaining. Maybe this, maybe that or can you tell him this, or maybe that. All sorts of excuses so we didn't have to do it. I know it's bad but sometimes you just need to know which battles to fight.

Until Nandy came. We gave him ten thousand excuses. He offered us one answer.

'Sa Miss Universe, lahat sila duon magaganda. So hindi question kung maganda ka ba o hindi dahil pare-pareho kayo. Ang dapat mapansin ka. Hindi pwedeng maganda lang, dapat mapansin ka. Find a way." This wasn't verbatim, but the point being you have to build your case. And make it work!

Tim Gunn couldn't have been more appropriate when he told designers it's crunch time and they needed to make it work in time for the show. We are now making it work.

Breaking protocols and standard lead times, yes we are getting somewhere.

Strangely, that same night as I was briefing my creatives, I was also told the same thing. Citing Miss Universe, there are dark horses and there are crowd pleasers. Others will make it for sheer publicity and others for sheer politics. But whatever it is, they still made it. So we have to come up with something that's enough to get us in. Sounds like a plan. Can I ask Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt make a cameo in this video?? :-)

And then we say Miss Universe is just a beef-parade? Or a commercial extension of Mr. Trump's empire? It does stand for something. Or something to the other people in the office.

PS: Another creative in the office has a proud collection of all Miss Universe pageants through the years. Could it be possible that he has been getting his insights and executions from those VHS?

SUNDAYS AT THE BAY

2008-07-25T17:57:00.000-07:00

When we were younger I remember that my parents used to go jogging in Luneta and then hit to Binondo for a quick breakfast. They would normally leave home early to avoid he mad rush and that means waking up really early. I remember too that we would also bring with us bottles of water and sandwich as we go “brisk walking”. All that is passed already and we have not done lately.

The next time I had spent decent time by the bay area was when Baywalk happened to Manila. I admire ex-Manila Mayor Lito Atienza for bringing back the life to Manila Bay. I thought that was brave. Personally while it had environmental impact and all that, bringing the people back to Manila was what’s admirable. Manila among my age range was already considered uncool and dead. Until that all happened. Suddenly, it breathed new life. That was on until the new Mayor came in and the baywalk died.

I had not gone back after that. But today, the cinemalaya brought me back to the bay area.

As I await the screening time of my next movie, me and a friend braved the rains to have a quick bite at Pancake house. Then I saw beauty. Beautiful and a sight to see were my exact words. Down by the bay was the world-famous sunset of Manila bay. It was fantastic. Beautiful is not enough to describe. Maybe breath-taking and awesome would give better justice. But it was like God showing me how beautiful life can be. And take note, even if it was raining there I saw the sun-setting. Magnificent.

The smell of the bay gives a distinct feeling. The smell of fresh and salt made it a sensorial delight. Just disregard the smell of cigarette smoking, otherwise it would be back to nature. Though the water is not as pristine as we would want it to be it’s fine. The docked yachts and pier and the Manila skyscraper add texture and feeling to the otherwise picturesque scenery in Manila.

I made a conscious decision to come back again today. I really wanted to witness the Sunday with the Bay. Time to reminisce and just admire the beauty. I could see the birds flying, and clouds forming right before my eye. And as an extra perhaps is being seated next to a National Artist, Mr. Bienvenido Lumbera, completes the whole feeling of relaxed and easy Sunday. And mind you, the breeze is just fine. And it’s not as humid as I expected.

I might get used to coming here, with my computer, ipod and then starbucks, as this really is my idea of an easy day. Come to think of it, maybe I will go back here next week and just stare at the beauty of God’s creation.

Until next week.

Delaying it

2008-07-23T16:55:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting to write an entry about the cinemalaya movies that i've seen. but i haven;t had the time to write it yet.

looks like i am spending another weekend here in the office.

hope not.

if not, then i can write my entries na. and post the one i wrote last week too.

hell.

Irresponsible Journalism

2008-07-17T23:08:00.000-07:00

GMA has always brandished itself as station that practices responsible journalism. They defined this with three main points:

Balitang Walang Kinikilingan (No prejudice), Walang Pinoprotektahan (Protecting no one), Walang Kasinungalingan (Truthful), Serbisyong Totoo Lamang.

This is the company's editorial ethics in as far as fair journalism is concerned. And through the years they have more or less proven that they have been "fair" with their brand of news. I am skeptical though.

The difference is on perception

In my mind they launched this editorial tagline to underline the perceived difference of news reportage between ABS and GMA. ABS has long been accused of biased reportage. This came from previous incidents where ABS reporters have been caught in the middle of highly controversial and editorialized news stories. Remember stories linking Julius Babao to terrorism, or Korina being commissioned by certain drug house to go against other Glutha drug houses, or the network being pro or anti government. This even after their damage control efforts to ban their newscasters from endorsing products. Remember Mel Tiangco was fired by ABS for endorsing Tide.

Perception was key. Do people really think that their newscasters become biased for accepting endorsement contracts? Or is it because their newscasters should remain as ambiguous as possible? Remember, newscasters are not celebrities; they are news readers and editors/anchors. Where does credibility come from? From being ambiguous or from standing for your own belief?

News is Business

ABS is one of the more popular brand and company (the other would be Meralco) in the roster of companies owned by the Lopezes. And since ABS has business interests and stakes in other forms, it is very easy to assume that they can be using their own media to promote their interests. On the other hand the Jimenez's and the Gozon's do not have strong presence in other business investments.

There have been accusations in the past where people have accused ABS of using their network to manipulate public perception. We do not know if this is true or not, but it seems that it is somewhat to convenient to use your own network to promote your own business interests.

But news is business. Whoever sounds more credible at the end of it will likely get the bigger of the pie. Is it still about perception? Somehow, news programs that have more credibility will never get human interest. We will respond to news that we like to hear. That's why there's so much interest and hype on sensationalized news and like. That's why there are human interest stories in supposedly hard hitting news. News if taken as is is just 30minutes of bad news. Would you really want to listen to bad news for the next 30 minutes or so?

If you want people to watch you, you better put something interesting there. Otherwise you will get canceled no sooner than you expect. CNN may have the reputation of delivering news on the dot, but there are a bunch of news anchors there too who are red necks and not too bright. Some of them just cannot ask the right questions without the right script.

For me, news has to be delivered the way I want to hear it: pleasantly and yet moving. Empathetic anchoring works for me. Cold news reporting really turns me off. At the end of it, I want to hear news that's relevant to me, the way I want it.

In the morning while I dress up, I open my TV but put it on mute. Mute because I do not want to hear all that gory bad news in the morning. But if there's something interesting I'd turn on the volume.

Did ABS really use its own network and programs in defending their interest in Meralco? Did GMA use its own network and precious airtime when it decided to go against ABS and fire tirades against other network?

Only the Truth and Nothing But...

Of course. Why would you lie? I guess more important to mention here is that you need to get both sides of the story. Then expose it.

And the point is:

This morning on the way to work, the cab driver was listening to Arnold Clavio's radio program. The topic was about the rising cost of Meralco rates. Admittedly this news was silenced a few days after Winston Garcia flipped his wig. Then we didn't hear anything anymore.

This morning they brought the issue up again in light of the pending proposal of Napocor to increase their price. Blah-blah-blah. They made loose canon comments about Judai's informercial and Meralco's "greed". But what caught my beef was when Arnold Clavio gave irresponsible comments and incomplete information about electricity usage.

He questioned why his electric consumption during summer spikes significantly as compared to christmas when he never changed his electric consumption pattern/usage. He would spend as much time at home or at work during summer and during christmas, so how come? He pointed out that he asked the girl from the meralco counter why this was so and the girl answered because of his appliances. He dissed the point like it was such a brainless answer. He pointed out further that how can that be when he had the same pattern?

The answer may have been lacking but as a responsible journalist, that question seemed legitimate to ask and even investigate further. But instead he dissed it. He was quick to assume that something was wrong with the metering and charging of Meralco.

I am not engineer nor an inquisitive reporter, but I bothered to ask. I am supposing that he has cooling and warming appliances around his house, be it toasters, refrigerators, coolers or water dispensers. In principle, appliances require more energy when its hot so it could run efficiently. When the room is hottest, compressors work double time to suck the heat out of the room to cool down temperature. That makes the consumption go up. The same goes for refrigerators.

The thing is, a lot of people are listening to him and take his editorials seriously or worth considering. If he is not careful with his comments, people might believe him and follow his line of argument which is wrong. I believe that proper research should have been done before he gave that comment or allusion.

In any case, I think none of the local networks are clean when it comes to journalism. Some of the broadcasters are too pro-government or anti-government, or in this anti-ABS? I am really concerned that for a network that's supposed to be number one and is superior in claims, they are really defensive and agog to quash competition. Further, they do not practice what they preach.

This is not a paid spot. This is just my thought only.

WhattaWednesday

2008-07-15T21:05:00.000-07:00

There are days when you know you should have just stayed home and stayed dry. Today is certainly one of those days. I really wish I didn't have to leave bed, at all.

Though I am not feeling sick or anything, it's just that I really feel low today. My usual energy is not there. Well strings of bad vibes, I guess made it go away. And the weather - that didn't help at all. When I woke up this morning, rain was pouring heavy as if it were telling me to just go back and sleep. And when I finally got up, did my usual routine and all, rain still has not stopped. A few minutes after, that's when it stopped.

I had a little time to talk to mom since I didn't get to talk to her last night. That's when another news broke in. I don't want to get into details but everything was just downhill from there. I had never taken a shower so cold even with heater on.

Well I dressed up nicely today because I was supposed to go out tonight. But my eyes are pretty sore. I am not too upbeat today pa so really, it's kinda useless to go pa. And that's supposed to be a movie date sa Cinemalaya. Oh well.

And then all these revsions and changes that had to be done. We had to turn it around no sooner than possible. So syempre ngarag na naman. But then that's fine, I am quite used to it already.

At the end of the day today, I just want to go home and drink a happy pill. I think I just want to go on hibernation and just sulk for one night. Just one night.

But before this entry ends so gloomy and all, time to remember that it's Jing Atienza's birthday today!!! Happy Birthday Jing Jing!

Ssssshhhh...

2008-07-08T16:28:00.000-07:00

There are things that one should not say, whether out loud or say at all. Key word there is not say. So instead I am writing about it. And that's why my title reads, "sssshh". Because you are not supposed to hear it from me.

Well, this is nothing controversial naman. It's just that I am blogging while at work. It's down time. And Nandy said it's okay to do personal things during down time.

I've been seriously thinking of going to the beach - to Bohol or Boracay. Parang it's just so nice to go the beach now, get red (since i don't get tan) and just soak under the sun. Or hold someone's while walking down the beach side under the afternoon sunset.

That or just cozy up inside the airconditioned room, to stay away from the heat of Manila.

But I can't. I won't. I will not for now.

Or maybe until my impulsive midn takes over again. hehehe

Yoga again.

2008-06-29T04:38:00.000-07:00

People today have become more uncompromising. With the stressors increasingly demanding more from us and the pressures just keep adding, sometimes you just need to escape. Yoga provides that escape. When you leave the world of problem, you enter a world where you are king and there are no real problems. It is up to you to just leave it all behind.

When you do yoga, you begin self-introspection and rediscover your own self. Limitation is only as far as the mind can go. It’s a time when you can just stop, pause and relax. No worries.

At this time of new age principles and teaching, when loving yourself more is the right thing to do and looking back to what you've done is just necessary, yoga fits the scene just well.

BE UNCOMPROMISING.

The uncompromising only want the best for themselves. That's why they eat right, live right and do exercise. They perform activities which help them achieve wellness and health that would otherwise be difficult with the presence of alcohol, stress, excessive eating and poor lifestyle habits. Loving yourself is not a crime. You need that. You need to appreciate the hard work you've done and the pain you've gone through. Give your body due love and gratitude.

LOVE YOURSELF

So how much do you love yourself? Why not reward your body? Your one and only body that keeps your engine running, keeps you winning and performing. Yoga is the best way to show your body the love it deserves. As you stretch, relax and getaway, you know that you are doing your body a favor with this whole detox process.

PASSION TO KEEP WINNING

Like how Iza Calzado aptly put it, "Ano ang buhay kung wala kang passion? Walang kwenta." Yoga is passion. When during practice and you can't seem to figure if you can do it, passion will tell you yes. Passion keeps you going, burning and desiring for more. Give your body and mind more reasons to work together. Get that passion to succeed and do more. Get that passion to reward your body constantly. Get that passion to just be. Do not deprive yourself. Be intense.

SHOW THE BEST YOU

And when all else fails, just go show the best you. Go there with confidence and full battle regalia, then you're sure that you'll finish the class happy.

What goes on in your mind is totally your business. But certainly yoga provides that escape you need.

Relax. Take a deep breath. Do not compromise.

BLOG-BLOG-BLOG.

2008-06-29T04:37:00.000-07:00

BLOG-ALAG

It’s like an EB- only substantial and really convivial.

I went to my first bloggers’ event today and boy, was it fun! Fun would not give justice to what I felt today, instead let me say, boy was it exciting! To begin with, I never really knew that there was such a thing. Sure, people organize events that include bloggers occasionally, but it never really occurred to me that it was so organized that there are a group of bloggers who are ready to make a living out of this. From the freebies, to the tokens and the exposure, this really is career.

For my first taste of bloggers event, I went to a yoga immersion. Ria introduced me to this blog entry, which I gladly responded to right away. I felt a little iffy shortly after knowing that I don’t really know anyone but hey I’m all grown up now so I shouldn’t be worried, yes?

Since the blog it was open to the first ten bloggers responders and I was the fourteenth already. I wasn’t really expecting at all. But I did want to try the Vinyasa practice so I wished secretly. When I got a response the following day informing me more about the event, I was very happy! I knew I was already a step closer to getting invited. Ria told me that that already was the invite. I didn’t want to assume so I waited further. I got another email the following day informing me about the event more. At this point I took the cue and I knew I was finally in.

You are probably either snickering behind me or just plain confused why I am even blabbing about this, but this whole experience just felt really good. I just got so excited going through this. What’s also amazing is that this whole thing is so organized already that they know events and coming events, and people go to the same events! They were all talking about the Coke event at the Mall of Asia the other night since almost the same group went.

KEY INFLUENCERS

In the world of advertising, lifestyle brands are little by little adopting this phenomenon called blogging. More and more brands now are asking their media agencies to link them up with popular bloggers. But the question today really is, what’s the big deal with blogging?

Teacher Pio of Vinyasa Yoga mentioned that he considers SANJAYA (no, not that American Idol contestant) to be the first blogger. Back in mystical India (is it?), where the mind is considered as one (if not the most) of the strongest part of our body. Our mind provides us the rhyme and reason of life. It can be our best friend if we used to advantage, but it can also be our enemy if we leave it uncontrolled. Sanjaya controlled his brain. His mind was so strong that he was able to transmit information beyond paper and computer screens. And just like the modern bloggers, he would give commentary on almost every human interest.

FREEDOM OF SPEECH

Blogging provides us all the basic right of speech. Now, more than ever, we can truly express ourselves. More than just this civil liberty, I consider the process of making sound commentaries, judgment and guesses very educational. I think that gives us an outlet to exercise our brains and decision-making process. If put to good use, blogging can be really beneficial and insightful.

BLOGGING CAN BE CATHARTIC

In Psychology, catharsis plays a major role in maintaining a balance and well-being. We can call it an outlet where you just pour your heart out and just be. No inhibitions, no one stopping you and nothing to stop you. If you keep your thoughts and emotions bottled up, there’s a big possibility that the pressure you hold can causeyou to break down.

Catharsis is not always in the form of just bathos or crying. It can be simply writing in your own diary, talking to a friend or just blogging. Sometimes we find ourselves just too fed up that we just want to tell someone about it or just scream. Blogging can be a very good exercise.

At one point, I am quite sure that you have already published a personal feeling on net whether for public consumption or not. I encourage you to do that, it’s a wonderful feeling. But word of caution, you have to be very vigilant and responsible when you do so. Remember that blogs are published documents. People will be able to read it even without your permission. So just be extra careful what you write down. Be sure you don’t go blaming or naming someone without basis, unnecessarily or just maliciously. The pen (or in this case the keyboards) is mighty weapon; those who wield it must be extra cautious.

BLOGGING CAN BE VERY INSIGHTFUL

Since blog entries are not forced nor written under a certain prejudice or assumption, most entries are very raw and honest. It’s a good tool to read and find out about the latest trends and habits of people today.

From blogging, we found out that people are adventurous. They look for blogs which has reviews of whatever things out there. We find blogs about deserts, cars, exercise, etc. We get readings now that lifestyle has never been this big a part of everyday marketing that the opportunities are really limitless. We also hear people give commendations and complaints about certain matters.

BLOGGING AS A MORE CREDIBLE MEDIUM THAN PRINT ADS AND ADVERTORIALS - CREDIBILITY

Not until recently that we saw the power of blogging and its potential to destroy or build brands and opinions. Since blogging is coming from the consumers’ POV, ideally unpaid and pure, it just comes out as more credible piece of information. Print advertisements do the job of informing people about certain benefits of a brand. Press releases ensure follow through and key influencer perspective. Celebrity endorsements work too, but they are too celluloid, too passé. We see the same celebrities totting different brands day in day out. Is that really still credible? But if we hear it from someone unknown and informed like you and me, things change. When you hear a mother talking about how great her ginger sauce she served for dinner, as opposed to a certain celebrity attending a launch party , what would you rather believe? The thing is blogging provides a better day to day perspective and puts the proposed benefit in proper context. You an even ask them more information, secure feedback and further scrutinize at your own delight. Would TPV really care to answer my questions about her endorsements?

Brian Gorell opened a boxful of social atrocity when he revealed DJ Montano’s indiscretions. The Gucci Gang used to be every social climber’s dream pedestal. To hang out or just be associated with them is like seeing nirvana for them. But the whole scam only polarized the whole scenario. Either you hate them now, or just salivate to become more like them. But the more important part here to mention is the ripple it caused that blog caused. Ethical issues and legal issues have been raised, some of them got fired, some of them got ridiculed and then some more. Like blogs about deserts and best dining places, people continue to look for the next blog entry situation.

BLOGS AS SOCIAL STATUS

The pop culture power is also undeniable. Maybe we are all channeling Carrie Bradshaw with our own Macbooks. But the sound of tinkering keyboards feels so much on the go. To say that I own a blogsite, which I type on my black MacBook and I’ve written on possibly all topics point to one direction: I AM SOOOO IN. Parang if you’re not a blogger, you’re so out and unintelligent. Well.

And now, the more readers you have, the more interactive and cute-looking your blogsites, the better.

BLOG PROVIDES ACCESSIBLE ARCHIVING SYSTEM

Since site sponsors like multiply, tabulas, wordpress, blogspot provide almost unlimited storage space, you can literally dump everything there. So your notes from two years back would still be there. And yes, your documented blow by blow notes on how you broke up or you outed your self would still be there 10 years from today. Boon or bane, you decide.

One thing is certain: the power of blog is undeniable. It’s starting to shape pop culture and is definitely here to stay. The question is: how are you going to use this to your advantage?

Breaking the Yoga Myths

2008-06-29T04:34:00.000-07:00

Have you looked at yourself at the mirror and found yourself asking existentialist questions? Sometimes the biggest battle happens in our own mind. It happens within the limits of our own mind. Becoming bigger than your current state is the toughest challenge. Somehow the need unleash yourself is just so strong. But you don’t know just how far our mind can go. As you unleash yourself, you need to hold back as well.

I’ve experienced that. I’ve experienced that no matter what I do, there’s just no rhyme and reason. And when I go overdrive, my mind can’t focus on the other things. Doing other things prove futile and useless. Your past, present, future, aspirations, frustrations and pressures suddenly flash right before your eyes ad you don’t know what to do. You become a slave of your own mind. It’s gone out of control. And yet while that’s a good escape you know there’s work to be done, deadlines to meet, family to attend to and responsibilities to be aware of. But your mind has gone 20 miles ahead. You are beyond control. Yes, stress.

At this point, you know you need to control yourself. But the mind has gone too far already. What do you do?

I learned that stopping the mind is a challenging task. Focusing back to the here and present is the only way to go. I stop, close my eyes and take a deep breath. I inhale positive energy and focus. I visualize putting the useless thoughts to trash bin and then move on. I think of a serene environment and where I conquer my own mind. I put my mind in slow mode and things start to slow down a little.

I didn’t learn this the fast way. I learned this the yoga way. Yoga to many may sound very daunting. Though it has been practiced for decades now, it’s gained pop culture status only quite recently. It was only when Madonna started advocating Kabbalah and Pilates that it became mainstream. Yoga has been practiced by ever-serene and peace-loving monks for the longest time. They have lived spiritually, physically and emotional stable lives and they are all yoga practictioners. Can it really be possible that yoga can do that?

I am not a yoga expert, and don’t expect everything I say here are general truths. But I would say that as a convert, this is my testimony. This is my personal truth and discovery on a lifestyle called yoga. Please read on.

While yoga has been a buzz word for years now, people are still wary about doing yoga. Kasama na ng yoga yung different misconceptions that go with it. I’ve listed five popular misconceptions on yoga.

1. 1. Yoga are for monks only. It’s intimidating.

2. 2. Yoga are for the flexible. I can’t even lift my own bag!

3. 3. Yoga are for sissies. It will make me less of man if I do that.

4. 4. Yoga will help make lose weight.

5. 5. Yoga is redundant. I do weight training and aerobic exercises anyway. It will not help me achieve my weight goals.

Again, this is my personal view about yoga and my little knowledge on such topic. These are my personal reflections.

1. No. Yoga are not just for monks. Monks practice them for a reason. They want to control their minds and focus on the more important things in life. That is finding God in their hearts. While they are active practitioners, they are not the owners of this.

If we trace the origin of yoga, yoga were a series of stunts that this demi god offered to god Vishnu. It was his way of expressing how magnificent the god was. More important, the stunts and the poses are itself a manifestation of how passionate and intense his power was.

Today, I find yoga to find my inner peace, then finding God in my own heart. When I do the poses, I always secretly pray that I can do the pose right. I concentrate and i feel very happy when I am able to complete it. While concentrating on the pose, I talk to God and find inner peace. When I do my poses I make sure nothing else is in my mind but just achieving the stunt. I box my mind to think just one thought. Pursue excellence and carry the task on hand.

That’s good discipline. And even when I work I apply the same discipline. When I need to accomplish the task and need to devote my full energy, I only think of work as if it were the pose. Then I am able to fulfill the task.

Remember, when you do yoga, you need to come in with a clean mind. Leave the world behind and just concentrate on the here and now. Don’t pressure yourself just keep it within reach. Concentrate and take a deep breath and enjoy life.

2. 2. Nakaka pressure nga mag yoga. Seeing all those magnificent poses and stunts can be really daunting. And in fact it’s easy to dismiss at this point that you cannot do it. And why not, you’ve never done any stunts and poses like that elsewhere?

But remember, if other people can do it, why can’t you? The ONLY reminder you need to remember is that what you see is not necessarily the only option available to you. The beauty of yoga is that it has levels that you can do and yet achieve the same results.

Do not force yourself to do poses when you are not ready. But you will see that as you progress you hunger for more and the poses become easier and more fulfilling.

Remember to always ask the teacher to provide a brief on the pose and what specific muscle/part of the body ang dapat tamaan and you will be fine. Remember too that there’s a reason for every step. Remember to breath. Just be comfortable. Wear comfortable clothes. And be confident. People are there to learn and not to compete. Don’t be ever disheartened if you are lagging behind your classmates. It took them months of practice to get there. Keep practicing too. Just be yourself and ask. Flexibility is not the issue, it’s trust (on yourself).

3. 3. Just because you do yoga it means you’re too girly. Yoga in fact is not for the faint hearted. It takes a certain sense of adventurism and daringness to perform the poses. How can you say that a man/woman who stand by their hands or palms is a sissy? Yoga is all about pushing it a little bit more. It’s outdoing yourself on every challenge.

Since the statistics show that most of the participants of yoga are women it doesn’t mean this is a territory meant for women. Remember, yogis were largely of male monk contingent. It’s just that women these days have become more daring and open to the idea that they try that more.

Are you afraid of stretching too much your family jewels might get affected? Don’t worry, it won’t (if you do it right). Or are you afraid that women will outdo you?

Women there are having fun. Women see this as an opportunity to really have a production number. They put on waterproof and organic make up this thick it will stop sweating. They wear all these Aura and Lulu outfits to complement their make up and gears to match that of a Hollywood star. But more important, they pack in a lot of confidence and tapang to perform the task. It’s no easy feat I see from these women who dare.

Are men afraid to do the same? Can men really become as daring as women?

4. 4. While there are yoga schools who promise instant weight loss, we need to go beyond this. Losing weight is just (pardon the irony) icing on the cake. All the yoga practice and poses, the lifestyle it preaches to you (vegetarianism) and the posture all help make you live a better life. With restraint, control and daringness, you eventually live a healthier lifestyle and therefore leaner.

You look taller all of a sudden because your posture has bee fixed. You walk taller and with a straight back now. When you eat with restraint, you lose the unnecessary calories. When you practice yoga, you dare for more. You just to keep improving yourself and doing more and more. You look for it. You just can’t satiate yourself anymore. You just have to do it. This whole process makes you live a healthier life, therefore leaner.

In certain classes like the Bikram, you are forced to sweat it all out inside a heated room. You lose the water pounds and the bloat therefore you lose weight. But that’s subject for another entry.

5. 5. It’s not true that yoga is redundant for those who lift weights. I lift weights and see beyond this truth. I need to practice yoga because it’s a good way to warm up or slow down. It relaxes my muscles. It also renews my cells (deep breathing gives us anti-oxidants that cleans our cells from free radicals) therefore more efficient recovery. But more important, yoga gives me discipline. To just give more and more, don’t stop and just keep lifting. That helps me prime up my work out.

Core training is important. Yoga packs in a whole lot of benefit in as far as developing proper abdominals. You should know that the basic of fitness is having a strong core/abs. Without it, your big back, biceps and triceps and chest are all gone to waste. A strong core means a strong and fit body.

In Taoism, the core is called such because that’s where the source of life or chi originates. Without the core or chi, we are dead. There were specific martial art stunts that could pull the chi out of you from your abs. That’s why it’s important to have a strong abs as it not only provides a tough endoskeleton, but also provides life. And in yoga, the core is indeed the core of its teaching.

There are different levels of yoga. I suggest that you go visit one of the classes soon. Maybe try Vinyasa where they teach the more basic stuff. Or hit the gym where they also offer classes there. Do it with a friend or something. But just enjoy.

I close this by saying: re-discover a new you when you do yoga. Learn to control yourself and see how far you can go. Gumanda na ang katawan mo, gumanda pa ang buhay mo. Now, beat that.

Lie to Me

2008-06-24T16:45:00.000-07:00

copied this from the site MGG> though we deny it, sometimes the best way to go is to lie and be lied to. there are just days when honesty will just not do. especially if you are at the brink of an important moment. sigh. just go ahead and lie. please.

Lie To Me - lyrics
Shane Mack
(from the movie “Shelter”)

Lie, while you’re even early
Deny, that you’re in any hurry
Cry, and tell me not to worry
‘Cause what I don’t know, is never gonna hurt me

Breathe, now baby don’t feel guilty
Deceive me, then just walk away
Leave me, the truth will only kill me
It’s gotta be, it’s gotta be this way

One more bad excuse
Before you turn me lose
Give me something to remember you by
Couldn’t you offer me
A little dishonesty
Promise me you’ll try
You’ll lie to me

Go, your plane is not gonna stay
Slow, so I can take it in
And so you say you’ll see me later
When you know you won’t see me again

Please before you let go of me
Take me one more time
Appease me, tell me that you love me
That you haven’t gone and change your mind

One more bad excuse
Before you turn me lose
Give me something to remember you by
Couldn’t you offer me
A little dishonesty
Promise me you’ll try
You’ll lie to me

Lie, while you’re even early
Deny, that you’re in any hurry
Cry, and tell me not to worry
‘Cause what I don’t know, is never gonna hurt me

One more bad excuse
Before you turn me lose
Give me something to remember you by
Couldn’t you offer me
A little dishonesty
Promise me you’ll try
You’ll lie to me

PI vs PDA: my assessment

2008-06-24T04:13:00.000-07:00

">This is the sanitized version of an earlier entry I made. I wanted to be honest and straight to the point risking to be called biased and unconstructive but I had to think again. Since I have friends working in GMA and ABS-CBN, I recalled the earlier entry and sanitized it for the purposes of keeping my job and friendship. So here we go.

"> Pinoy Idol vs Pinoy Dream Academy

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">1."> ">Name Game – Size Does Matter

">In a business where size matters (and who said it didn’t?), getting the right name franchise is as important as getting a high rating. Pinoy Idol (and its predecessor Philippine Idol) is a popular franchise from Fremantle. British Idol and American Idol are its popular counterparts from the other side of the globe. Dream Academy, on the other hand, is a franchise of Endemol.

">The ABS guys had to drum up the show since PDA had little awareness. Latching on the popularity of its “Big Brother” PDA had a slow start as it went head on with Philippine Idol on ABC5. Fortunately for PDA, some of PBBs popularity was rubbed of to them. Following the same format, same gimmick, same host and same treatment, PDA became an instant hit. Vicarious mellow drama and controversial love angles proved to be important recipes of success. It had the charm that Pinoys dearly loved.

">ABC 5 on the other hand was taking matters seriously. It showed that it’s got talent more than fluff. ABC5 though working doubly hard still had much to prove in the ratings department and production values. While it was a little entertaining, it lacked charm and charisma.

">With Pinoy Idol moving to GMA now (and claiming to be the very first- denying its origin and starting clean slate), the games have changed. GMA prepared long and hard to beat the competition that was PDA.

">Both shows have just started so this is still quite inconclusive but I am quite sure that this sets the trend more or less. For its first month of airing Pinoy Idol and PDA went head on.

">Pinoy Idol gets some point for being the first to air. But one cannot help but feel that some of its execution and segments feel very done (very GMA, and a little PBB at that). Maybe I may not have been watching enough TV or GMA but I feel that there’s not enough buzz on the show. Perhaps aside from their usual tactic of getting PDI and tabloids to write about them and cross guesting, there’s a dearth of publicity elsewhere. PDA on the other hand followed the same pony trick it used for PBB. And having a veritable winner and runners up before, PDA has a certain edge already. And we’re seeing the same drama already as Yeng and RJ had before.

">PI made a drastic attempt to cover the show as many times as possible like how PDA does. Which leads me to my next point…

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">2."> ">Casting is Everything

">In movies and commercials, casting the right talents is a must. That’s why we have casting calls and casting directors. In the movie Incredible Hulk, Edward Norton and Liv Tyler were perfectly cast. His villains were also incredibly cast. Robert Downey was also perfectly cast as Iron Man. Kim Cattrall and Sarah Jessica Parker, Jennifer Aniston and Courtney Cox were all perfectly cast. Point is, casting the right hosts, judges and talents need to be impeccable.

">The thematic appeal that seems to work so well in as far as name-show association is also driving the popularity of PDA. PI is just another American Idol done in the vernacular. I wish that they could really assimilate it more into the Pinoy Culture. Now that could be their winning edge.

">Raymond Guttierez as host

">He reads off the idiot boards quite well. The problem is the idiot board holder is not able to keep up to the pace of his reading. This or he really is very prone to having dead air. Let’s admit it, he is the boy version of Ruffa. Close your eyes and you will think you actually are listening to Ruffa.

">His co-host Karyll and Rhian Ramos

">Boring. Dead-air galore. I am just referring to Karyll. I have yet to see Rhian. Kayll hosts like she is talking, reding the spiels and introspecting all at the same time. She likes making these short pauses and sing-song tones that do not really help in enlivening a program that’s aired during dead hours.

">Nikki Gil and Toni Gonzaga are seasoned performers

">Both of have them have had serious hosting jobs. I actually expect them to really deliver. Nikki Gil hosts ASAP and is a VJ. Toni is busy with hosting gigs every night with PBB (before) and ASAP, too. Both are good. Nikki though could still improve – I am not sure if its drama but her opening spiels are always boring. I am wondering why she starts off always with almost unenthusiastic openers and sad looking eyes. Maybe its drama but it could get quite annoying.

">Billy Crawford needs to catch up

">Yeah, he is no host. He is a singer slash dancer. But then he accepted this hosting sting (that got the ire of Kuya Germs) and he needs to prove that he is much better than fast talking Ryan Agoncillo. Unfortunately, he still fumbles. He actually called one of the scholars BILLY. Hello, Billy?!!!

">Judging the Judges

">It’s Jolina, Ogie and Wyngard versus Ryan, Joey Reyes and Kitchie Molina. Following the mold of AI, they got a (has been) performer, a manager and a record producer. That’s fine but these people are no Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson.

">I feel that PI lacks credibility in the judging department. Their judges are not as popular and credible as their American counterparts. You tell me. I remember sayng no to Jolina like several times before when she was being peddled to ou show. Credible judging was everything.

">On the other hand, Ryan Cayabyab by name alone stands out. He may not be a chart topper but he has produced classics that we’re all proud of. Kitchie Molina is a seasoned vocal coach. I am always surprised with her tricks and tips to improve the voice. That’s really vocal coaching. And Joey Reyes provides the “star value” tips and projection. They also get musical ingénues to judge stage performances. Louie Ocampo, Hajji Alejandro and Girlie Rodis judged the other night.

">PDA has a clear edge on this department. By mere credibility and expected reliability they know they need to follow the formula.

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">3."> ">Stars are cast; not born

">Going back to casting, getting the right contestants is the most important factor. The mix now have been changing. Before, we would only see the talented getting in the show. That or see the most good looking English speaking or taglish-touting casts. That again or we see the true blue Pinoy. Now, there seems to be an unwritten rule on getting talented but not so good looking, good looking but with mediocre talent, fil-am, OFW and provincial beauties (to be strict about this, we see talents hailing from regions where networks are the weakest and the strongest).

">The formula is both strategic and appealing to the masses. Strategic because this almost guarantees higher ratings on a network standpoint, that we know. We also know that this selection process also removes the biases and creates an atmosphere of “equality and fairplay” and finally, strategic because the votes will be divided. The moneyed regardless if their bets are half-wits or not will always vote for their bets.

">Appealing because we will always love winners and underdogs. Enough said.

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">4."> ">Production Values

">At this point, both have advantages. PI has Danny Tan on the helm directing their musical numbers. PDA has teacher Manolet and their ASAP team doing vocals and production number.

">On stage design, PI follows the franchise design. Sleek and simple- with the focus on the contestant as evidenced by the center stage. The judges are placed on the side (different from AI where the judges are seated in front of the stage). The construction may not be as clean as its American but its fine. It may be a function of the camera dolly shots, it’s not as wide as I hoped it to be. The set design lacks panache. And the Coke designs have been altered with Lipton –uhm, WTH?

">On PDA, they make use of the big “concert hall” as its venue. The whole concept of stepping out of the academy to the concert hall makes it look grand. The whole opening of the backdrop is actually very concert-like. Nice touch. And most shots are taken wide so you have the feeling that there is bigness (literally and figuratively) in the show. The judges have been elevated on the other side and it feels the same as PI.

">On lighting and gloss, PDA is still the runaway winner. GMA still lacks the color and brightness that we Pinoys have always loved.

">And on the script and spiels, well, the script of PDA is better-written. Maybe the delivery does it because if you think about it, both sound very contrived.

">In the end, I enjoy watching PDA more as I feel the mentorship and tutelage angles of the show are really helpful and beneficial. Stars are not born. They are trained. They have to realize their talent, break away from it and learn the basics.

">My only question is, do we really need to see so much drama in a talent show?

The Hurt by Christina Aguilera

2008-06-23T17:02:00.000-07:00

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss
You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that
I've missed you since you've been away

Oh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line to try to turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself

By hurting you

(No, I'm not regretting anything. I just like this song for it's intense emo and vocal values)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOKIE!!!

2008-06-15T01:48:00.000-07:00

While Jok and I never really worked together unlike my other friends from client side, we hit it off instantly. I remember when we officially met face to face. Of course, I would already hear her name even prior to our meeting, but to see her would be really different.

We met in Boracay when I decided to join Allie and friends for a summer trip. Since the other guys have flew in to Boracay ahead of us, I went on my trip alone. I was told that I should meet up with Ivy and Jokie prior to going to the hotel room. Meeting place was the drop off point of the Boracay pier. As I anxiously wait there and several indecent offers later, I finally saw them.

I was surprised to finally see the commfin exec who approve/disapprove my cost estimates. Together with Ivy, I was actually with finance guys. Janice too, was there.

I was initially unsure if we would hit it off, but alas, we did. I never saw crap from Jokie. She’s such a beautiful person inside out. She is so genuine and friendly. She tells it like it is. And for that she’s really charming. At the end of trip, Jokie and I ended becoming fiancés because of our fantastic pre-nup photos. Hahahaha.

And those photos have to be remembered! They were really lovely. She was also the one responsible (together with Pao and Allie) to make me go diving. I had no intentions whatsoever to go diving, but she gave me the courage.

On your birthday Jokie, I only wish you the best and more mojo to live life greatly! I hope you meet your true fiancé soon. And I certainly hope we can go to Batanes together and see the sprucing Marlboro country together!!!!!

To life and to June Jonah Sanchez! Happy happy! Looking forward to more kwentos, g's and drinking sessions with you.

Ka-Tense.

2008-06-15T01:47:00.000-07:00

On my way home one Thursday night, I decided to just take an alternate route since my usual route was horribly jammed. While it was not my usual route, I am very aware of the route. So I asked the driver to make a turn and just go straight down until we hit the end of the road then we make a left. The cab driver was very cooperative. He followed instructions like I told him.

So he kept driving until we finally saw the end of the road. Then there was an usual hold up in the area. A vacant jeepney was jamming the driveway. Many of the residents were outside making uzi and obviously giving unsolicited comments. It was at this point that I realized that there was a commotion. What the commotion was I couldn’t tell. But the scene was rather tense.

As I kept peering through the window, I heard a very loud knock on our door. Two armed men were outside and shouting something to the driver. I was a little shocked to see their ready to shoot gun. Although the guys were in civilian, they introduced themselves as police. Maybe police character – you know the likes of Efren Reyes Jr.

They were asking Mr. Driver to open the door and let them in for there was a police emergency. The driver reluctantly unlocked the door. I immediately got out of the cab because I didn’t want to be part of that. It looked like it could get dirty. I don’t want to be even party to that. Now I know how those Hollywood flicks go like.

Anyway, I went down and was in a rush to get away from the cab.. The supposed police characters said unsparingly, “Sa UDMC tayo” to the cabbie. To me he said, “Pasensya na boss, lipat ka nalang.”

I swear. That cabbie deserved a trophy for being/remaining quiet and patient to me. But to even allow himself to get in the middle of that whatever operation, that’s rather heroic.

As I went down the cab, I only had one thought in my mind. Get another cab and scuttle. I was desperate to get out of that area. Luckily, God sent me a cab that very minute too.

The following day, I learned that it was ambush. And there were bystanders who got hurt. I thank God that I got out of that scene safe and sound.

Ka-tense.

IT'S CALLED SELF PRESERVATION

2008-06-15T01:46:00.000-07:00

After much has been said and done, I think I’ve finally come to my senses. It’s time to ground myself again and realize that not everything can be viewed from rose-colored lenses.

And well, while nothing has really prompted this decision, I just want to play it safe and not take the risk anymore. I guess I am no risk taker really. I’ve risked some lately and yet I have taken some of the back, and well the others, it hasn’t prospered yet. I know though that it still too soon to quit.

So as a resolution, I decided that I will just keep this thing in status quo. I will not make any more effort until thing have become clearer. I will probably just wait it out for some more time. No more dropped hints and sweet nothings; I will just keep it simple and coy.

I say this with very mixed feelings. On the one hand I have strong reasons to be happy for a development today. But it is with this development that has a caveat misery. Why are good news always stringed along with bad news? Is bad news really part of it, or are we cynics and paranoid asses that we inflict our own misery? This part is unclear to me, as always. I only want simplicity, but we really can’t have it.

Anyway, as I go through this I only think of one thing: self-preservation. It is important to still love yourself, even when you love yourself fully. I am only equipping myself with optimism and passion, but then I am going through this with vigilance.

I may never know what the future will bring me, but I know that if keep steadfast and vigilant, whether good or bad, I will win. I know that it will take more than this to really embattle me. I will just keep my chinky eyes open but react sparingly too.

Oh well. I think I have reasons to be happy din naman. Lots of reasons to continue believing. I’ve been on this road several times before and I managed to pull through. I will be okay. :P

When It Rains in Sahara

2008-06-13T02:02:00.000-07:00

Well, it hasn't. I'm still waiting for it to rain in Sahara.

About Last Night

2008-06-08T22:15:00.000-07:00

ABOUT LAST NIGHT

When I write on my blog, I normally start off with a headline in mind before I proceed to write the body. We were taught in school to write this way anyway. But I don’t. This is because I already know what to write before I start writing it. But for this session, there are a few good headlines that are running in my head. I can’t seem to decide which is best to use. So I will try to write all these down and turn them into subheads. Then I will decide later on which is the best title to use.

Feelings; not logic

If you’ve seen Sex and the City, you would know already that this line is taken from that movie’s climax scene (the one where meet Carrie finally meets Big again in that beautiful and overly charming penthouse unit). Before Carrie uttered these lines, she talked to Miranda about the same. Miranda was also having the same problem as Carrie. The two have been so much angered by the men of their lives, both issues bordering on whether to forgive or not to forgive. But more importantly, it is about what guidelines to undertake as they decide on the moving forward part of their lives.

Miranda was on the verge of deciding (of epic proportions) whether Steve and she should get back together or not. Miranda said she has a lot of thinking to do. But sometimes, we don’t need to think. We just need to know what we feel to guide us. Carrie points out that Miranda, as a lawyer, is capable of thinking from both sides of the court (the pros side, and the cons side). And whether or not which side she takes, she will make it work. Now, that’s the thing. We are all thinkers. If we think long and hard enough we will eventually not be able to decide on something.

At this point, Carrie said that it is not thinking that she needs to do; in fact it is feeling that she needs to work on. She needs to know how she feels about Steve and at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.

Carrie used her valuable tip when she saw Big in the apartment. When she thought she was there to collect her Manolos, she collected the man of her life instead. As she is obviously still in love with Big, she decides to use her heart.

I am thinking that if she used logic instead she would not end up with her. And how? After he stood her up at their own wedding, how can she not? But in the end, she looked past all these things and reconciled without anymore thinking. She ran swiftly and gave him a big warm hug.

This love story may not happen in cookie-cutter proportions to us, but it’s almost frequent that we face dilemmas like such. The proverbial heart vs. head question is something we are left to deal with. It may not have direct link to love, sometimes it comes in the form of quitting a bad habit, a career decision or what not. Point is, the answer is sometimes on a case-to-case basis.

I dare not say that for matters of the heart, the heart is more correct. I do not agree because there are logical things to be considered and factored in. And as this hypocritical society is ever observant and critical of what you do, one needs to be aware and on their toes every time. It is upsetting sometimes how this society can have a comment on almost about anything; even on matters personal.

Today is different.

But today is different. Today I go against the tide and follow what my heart dictates. I’ve always asked God to give me inspiration- something that will make me happy and look forward to days to come. And I strongly feel that He has given me what I asked for already. God is mysterious; I am not wise. I am thinking that this situation that I am in now is God’s answer to me now, but things may change in the future. But today is different. I will believe what I want to believe today.

It’s not like this is a very monumental inspiration, but it’s been years already since I’ve felt this. And I like this feeling. I am hoping that you will not accuse me of being corny for feeling this way. Otherwise, I will not hesitate and tell you that you have not loved at all.

It’s such a wonderful feeling to wake up every morning knowing that there’s a reason to go through the hustle and bustle today because there’s someone you dedicate it to. I am not ashamed to proclaim again that I do feel some quirks and shakes when I feel this way. And that’s always been a good reminder and a good/nasty feeling to have on certain days. Having that makes me feel alive and human. And experiencing just perks me up even more so – to just up the ante because the stakes are higher. I become more fast-thinking, less-assertive and more appreciative of the things and people around me. It has always been a good indicator if this thing has a future or not, at least on my end.

I have been in love before and broken. But today, I look past those heartbreaks and look beyond the pain and the worries. I instead focus on the today and just how beautiful it is to live in the now. I will not pressure myself to think ahead and be careful because for once I want to live carefree.

As some of my close friends have told me, with this new inspiration, I am setting myself up to failure and heartbreak. Why so? Because we’re different. But is difference and being different really a proposition for heartbreak?

Yes, we may be different in more ways than one, but I still believe in complementing each other and finding yourselves into each other’s live- together and apart. It is simple to say that when two things are different, it is meant to separate. But it is only us, and norm, which dictated all these things. I am more about learning something different and finding out the best from each other.

At this point, I will be bolder and take this risk.

I say risk because I know that our difference and finding that common thing together will be rocky. It will definitely take more than the usual before we can really find it out. And I cannot simply just take the notion that I am right with this. I know, no matter how I deny it that there will be problems. But what relationships don’t have? Even the most mundane and the common of relationships will eventually have problems.

But then I face this with more hope definitely. There will be ghosts and stuff like that but I guess I just have to keep an open mind.

In the next three months, I will know if this feeling is just fleeting or not. In the next three months, I will be busy with work. Inspiration will keep me going, though my inspiration will not be physically present. Time will tell if this if this is all worth to go through or not. Time will reveal if my inconsistent me will forget and move on, or things will just intensify.

For now, I am happy.

But for now I am happy about last night. Last night has been an absolute dream. I am happy today. Tomorrow, I am not too sure. All I know is that I am living on the today.

This is like dream come true!

2008-06-08T22:06:00.000-07:00

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When Is Loving Not Right

2008-06-03T23:11:00.000-07:00

Is there really "right" and "wrong" in love? When is something bad? And when is something right?

I realized that despite our attempt to love fully and without bias, there are just times when we fail this task and end up disappointing and hurting ourselves much more. We still subscribe to what's normal and accepted at the end of the day.

In reality, we have more or less an idea if a relationship will survive or not. And if your diagnostic says doom, would you still push for it? When your worlds are apart, are you willing to sacrifice image for real love? And when there's jealous rage and apathy at the start, can feelings of hope and inspiration really take shape?

I don't know. It's so easy to say YES it's easy to sacrifice that for love. But when you're in this scenario, you will be baffled. The whole thing about this love and sacrifices is that there's no single answer to all these problems. Ultimately it's you who's going to decide what happens to your lives.

Am I going to fight for this? or not?

Another Sleepless Night

2008-06-03T23:03:00.000-07:00

I tossed.
I turned.
I prayed.
I drank warm water.
I showered.
I watched TV.
I tried "night"dreaming.
I tried everything that could make me fall asleep.

Obviously, I had a sleepless night.

I know though why I was sleepless. I tried my best to clear my mind from the thoughts that suddenly hounded me at the last minute. But it took more than 6 six hours to battle it off. The toughest part, I was hoping I'd overcome it sooner; but to no avail.

Love is such a crazy matter. I will not say that my problem was about love because it is not there yet. But what kep me up certainly has something to do with it. I was getting so concerned with the fact that someone hasn't been texting me back.

From that thoughts compounded. More issues were unearthed. More worries have been revealed. More uncertainties and insecurities have surfaced. I was ready to choke last night.

Sigh. I really need a distraction. I need to get back on my feet and continue where I left off. This thing that I am going through is a very special feeling, but is for sure going to give me heavier and darker eyebags.

Arnold in Running Man

2008-06-03T22:41:00.000-07:00

There were reviews before that said "Running Man" was Arnold S.' best movie ever: story and (well...) acting-wise, at least. I got a chance to watch it last night and I agree with the review.

Running Man is a reality game show where they pit hereos and anti-heroes against each other. The anti-heroes are selected based on the crimes certain people make against mankind. Meaning, this is somewhat the punishment that they have to pay (instead of life sentence).

The whole plot is set against a tyrannical and overly-controlling government manipulating the mind of people. The government uses TV as a mainstream machinery to brainwash its people to agree and/or side with the government. All anti-government and their accomplices are branded as traitors to the government. The government is the puppet master, and everyone else is their puppet.

The social context of this movie is very timely I should say. The whole point on reality game shows, tv (mass media), mainstream choices and brainwashing have never been so real these days.

The are two points on game shows and reality series - it is reflective of the situation of the country. It is also used to escape from your real reality to the reality you want.

Poor Getting Poorer
With the poor getting poorer, we have never been more swayed and lured to getting rich fastest. Shows left and right give away promises of instant stardom, cash fortune and material prizes to alleviate poverty. It is hardly dole out anymore that's the issue. It is really the growing financial divide and hopelessness on financial security and stability. The concept of hardwork is getting overshadowed with working smart (in this case playing smart).

Window of My Dreams
Somehow seeing other people win, get evicted, get rich and lose all the money has some appeal to us. The vicariousness of escaping from your own real problems to seeing other people win or lose is also an indication of times today. Don't we all favor Manny Pacquiao to win for us. For national pride and fulfillment of your own desires to win.

The Running Man presents the case of die hard and hard core fans routing for their own favorites. The thrill of seeing their favorites win over "bad people" is just so intense. But more so, seeing their favorite die/lose is just so disconcerting.

But what struck me the most is the fact that media can really affect the decision-making process of its people. It is easy for media to manipulate and twist information to their favor. More so, it only takes a little expertise for media to fulfill a well-thought plan for world domination. Really media is scary. You believe what you see.

In the end, Running Man seems very appropriate because it presents the facts of the past in a clear and yet still relevant manner. The theme is universal.

It is a nice movie to be fair.

wowowee

2008-05-29T02:51:00.000-07:00

It's such a delight to watch Wowowee, really. I won't even be plastic and pretend I don't watch local shows because I do and I enjoy it immensely. Call me shallow but that's simple happiness.

What captivates me to WWW is the fact that one can be oneself when in this show. Though real is still a twisted truth, people here have freedom to be who they want to be, or change it, if only to make their lives better. I think the show is really about its viewers; mirroring the difficult life that our other countrymen is experiencing. But more important, the show is but a glimmer of hope for them. Providing an "altruistic" solution to their everyday problems- or perhaps making that specific moment just a little better, just a little lighter. That's good enough.

I like the first hour of the show specifically. I like Willie as a host (just what I see on tv; and not including his character). He's slapstick but not the joey de leon or vic sotto kind of slapstick. Willie's hosting style is very much pare-pare like. It's like hanging out in a sari-sari store where everyone's friend. And everyone sucks up to the boss. Willie is refreshingly witty and often times annoying. This clashing personality is what I like about him. This makes him a little charming and a little annoying. His comments are perfectly timed and very honest. The jokes he makes are childish and yet can be a little "adult" sometimes too. At best, he can really bring out the funny and ugly in you. The way he interviews his contestants have little substance, but you appreciate the real-ness he puts on it. He is delighted by those who are also interested and game; and is turned off by those who has a sponge for personality.

I like the game hep-hep hooray. It's nothing original nor mind-blowing. It's just a simple game that will keep you glued to your seat as they act out the lines hep hep and hooray. I like how these people fight out, argue with hosts and really give their best to win.

I like the elimination round of Willie of Fortune. The contestants are egged to tell their life stories to the public. This is where it gets tricky; some contestants can become poseurs, some will come in with ulterior motives, and the rest just plain funny. But at the end of it, whether they tell sob stories or stories of triumphs, or Willie just dishing out his silliness to the contestants, it's refreshing to watch these people show their life unabashed.

I like the batian portion too. I like how these people really prepare to get seen on TV. And even really give their dancing best just to get chosen to become one of the BigaTENS.

I like the energetic dance numbers dished out by guests and ASF dancers. They are bordering on gratuitous but that's okay. Including the sponsors segment where the promo ladies dish out their own novelty lines trying to impress Papi. That still is sponsor's time after all. Subliminal Advertising.

It's just sooo hilarious.

But I also don't like the three female hosts endlessly being perky. They just keep shouting and shouting and talking fast. Is that supposed to be energy? And I also don't like how they always favor the grannies who act miserably old and poor. Really now? This is no charity show. I know vicarious wins and stuff like that count for a lot in making us feel lighter and better. But to see them rig games for the sake of these lolas? Good thing if the other contestants are not in need. Well these lolas just have to play sickly and miserable and they are guaranteed a win. That's just not fair. And when this happen, I switch channels. No, not to Eat Bulaga - to somewhere else. (I don't know why but watching eat bulaga feels like watching a rerun, or de javu. I know I've seen it somewhere. More important, the jokes are stale. the casting, annoying. The lines, yucky. And concept, so template. It's nothing different. What you watch today is the same thing you will see tomorrow, and the next and the next....)

Bottom line, it is a good way to really forget life's hardships even for just a while.

Not Feeling Well

2008-05-29T02:18:00.000-07:00

I made plans last Monday. No, not just plans- but great plans. Fantastic, world domination plans even! But all that was gone in just one night. Poof. Kaput. Zit. Nada.

I wanted to use this one week leave to really go all out on the gym. Do my best in lifting heavy weights so I'd be ripped by June 2. Attend all the group exercises at the gym so I can be my leanest ever. And really just go all out and try something new. Unfortunately it didn't happen. I got a bad case of viral gastroenteritis or food poisoning and have been abed since last Monday night.

What caused it, until now I still haven't figured. For the day, I know, though, that I ate the following items: KFC at MRT Ayala Station for lunch. Yogurt for pre-dinner (on an empty stomach). Apples. Lumpia and sauce. That's all I ate. Nothing too hardcore.

I suspect it could be one of the things. That or it could also be this medicine that I took the for the first time that day - lean and mean fat burner from GNC.

Well, bottomline, I've been LBMing nonstop the past three days and have not been able to really maximize my long break. I am kind of bummed out by it especially since I had plans.

Now I had appointments yesterday lunch and evening. And I had every intention of attending it. Why not? First of all, the lunch that I was supposed to attend was the despedida that was being thrown for me. Nice one. I evaded my own despedida. Secondly, the evening date was supposedly the Ayala Malls Cinema's Partners Night, which I helped sell to my old merchants. They were premiering SEX and the CITY last night. How could I have missed free food and free screening????!! Darn.

Instead, after all the excruciating pain and agonizing nonstop visit to the loo, I had to go to St. Luke's ER for a quick check. After three hours of waiting, the doctors said I was okay enough not to be confined but I had to monitor my bowel movement. The tests done proved negative on parasitic and ova attacks so it was likely something I ate. I had to avoid dairy and oily food in the meantime.

At that point, I realized it must be the yogurt. Drinking it on an empty stomach perhaps did it.

Today, it has been slightly better. I didn't frequent the loo that much anymore but there were still spasmodic spells occasionally. I am hoping all will be gone by tomorrow.

I really want to get well badly. Not only because I want to party on a friday night, but largely because I want to make the most of this.

BUT WAIT!

If there's anything good that came out from this, I spent the last three days here at home with mom. I have not spent this much time with her since i dont know. And it really feels wonderful! So I am not at all depressed that I am just here because she's here and took care of me. Ohhh, mother's love.

And I also discovered the joy of watching ABS shows again.

Hahaha

Meantime, I have to go drink my hydrite because I have been dehydrated.

*BURP*

ZsaZsa In Manila

2008-05-29T02:11:00.000-07:00

For all the ZsaZsa Zaturrnah lovers here, you may click on this site for the first six pages of the new comic book sequel from Carlo Vergara himself. Credits to MGG where I got this link. Happy reading.

PS: it was fun and exciting. And the supposedly world's tallest building, that is in Makati, suspiciously looks like GT Tower. Hahaha

http://carverhouse.blogspot.com/2008/05/zaturnnah-sa-maynila-pages-1-to-6.html

Big Yellow Taxi

2008-05-26T03:38:00.000-07:00

I know.

We've heard it on TV and Radio. We've read it in internet and newspaper and straight from the mouths of the taxi and jeepney drivers. The effects of rising gasoline prices is affecting even those who don't drive.

Gas prices have affected almost everyone and everything. All you hear are complaints. And why nit, it really is damaging and bad.

Meantime, jeepney drivers have been granted a one-peso increase. Taxi drivers are still waiting. In the meantime, taxi commuters like me are getting enraged with "passes" made by these drivers.

For two weeks straight now, taxis have been asking for more money than what it indicated from the taxi meter. Just the other night, this CROWNSTAR Taxi had its meter "adjusted". It was running at speed faster than Lydia De Vega. I even witnessed it myself. In ten seconds, my fare changed five times.I called his attention and all he said was, "ay nasira na naman ang metro ko. Magkano ba binabayad mo dun?"

No apologies. No nothing. That creep. Binarat ko talaga. Alam kong mahal ang gas, pero di mo naman kailangan mandaya.

Gone are the days when tipping was optional. Now taxi drivers ask for additional money, no questions asked.

Just earlier, the cab asked for an additional 30 bucks dahil he is lugi ng 300 pesos almost daily. He even brought up the mouths he has to feed and the frustration he has with work. I didn;t care. We all have our own baggages but 30 is a little too much to ask / forcibly ask from you, yes. In fact, that's another taxi's flag down already!!!!

Or the other versions, "ay sorry, wala akong barya. May P5 lang ako." Good news, your meter reads P72.50 and you are going to be given P5 as change. Nice one. Really nice one. What a way to start your day. There are many more derivatives to this wala akong change scenario. Gail pointed the right thing to do. Ask for bargain. Don't pay.

It's harsh yes. But more than anything THIS IS PUBLIC SERVICE> why on earth are they leaving their terminals WITHOUT any money in their pocket. I remember this driver even asking me to ADVANCE my bayad to pay for the gas!!! Kapal.

In the meantime, i dread the day that taxi and gasoline prices will continue to rise. What this means simply is that I have to start learning how to drive a gas-efficient car.

Hay.

Sex and the City

2008-05-26T03:22:00.000-07:00

I am just wondering why sex has become so public that it has become such a cheap commodity. Last Saturday, I watched "Virgin Territory" starring Mischa Barton and Hayden Christiansen. It was a funny movie, sometimes entertaining, but sexually gratuitous.

The movie is about a couple of mid-century ladies and gents who are in the verge of sexual discovery and heat. Set against the backdrop of Church, they keep talking about preserving their virginity as if it were a sacred law. But the irony is the church as the very institution who propagates is the first one to actually break it. The nuns in that church look for a deaf-mute so they can have sex with them without him telling on anyone. Clever but it cites a certain truth. Priests and nuns are perceived to be holier-than-thou here but they are human like the rest of us. They just don't talk about it.

Mind you, this is virginity for both men and women.

At one point, the issue on love is also raised. Would you really wait to give virginity as the ultimate gift? I ask the question, is there even a virgin in the country today (not counting the minors)? What gift is this?

I suspect that even those who have not reached 18 yet are no longer virgins. Sex trade is so cheap and commodified that it is being:

blogged - internet and social networking sites

published - veiled as massage, escort services, in buy and sell (this is really the pits)

smsed - sex for load - this is really sad.

eyeballed - one look and people hit it off.

I mean really, the sexual energy in the country today has peaked that it has no whether to go but bust. People do it, but they don;t talk about. Some do. Some don't.

But at a time when moral and social concepts have become weak, sex is slowly destroying other relationships.

I am not a prude, but i just think people should do this with utmost concern and preparation. If you can;t be sure, just be safe.

At a time where gas prices is rising sky high and rice shortage is imminent, we don;t need more mouths to feed.

I cannot help but wonder: Is Manila getting more promiscuous and careless?

Clueless

2008-05-26T03:06:00.000-07:00

I came across the official soundtrack of Clueless once again and it feels perfectly wonderful to be listening to it again. I will try to write the lyrics but no promises and I will get it right.

"Clueless OST"

She is literally the polaroid of perfection. She has everything and she'll give it to you in a second. Looks can deceive. She wears her heart on her sleeve. She'll steal you away. Not just one day, everyday, she's an ordinary girl. In her world, she's an ordinary girl.

The song is obviously referring to the Cher (Alicia's character in the movie). She may be a ditz and a blonde bimbette, but she does mean well to other people. For me her character is something that we can consider admirable.

She likes to help other people help themselves. Whether it's setting up people or making over fugly students, she obviously wants to see other people happy. Though it may not be the most comfortable thing to experience, don't we all just love the excitement of what can be?

People may say that her character is very shallow and superficial, I call that simplicity of living. Really, do we need all the gunk that life throws at us? There's just so many issues that are being raced and hurled against us that sometimes we really just want to slow down. Dont we all just want to be living a simpler and less complicated life? She may be a ditz with so many things, but she does care for other people and that's enough.

She loves to love. She may have fallen to a "gay" guy in the movie, and eventually to his own half brother, but then that's love. She fell in love and really went all out. Against all odds. Enough said. Sometimes we just wish we could let go, but we don't. We can't. We shouldn't.

Finally, she may not say the write things always, but she says it like she means it. And that's nice.

When people call other people a blonde, a ditz, or a superficial slut even, they are missing some point. They just can't see the beauty of simplicity and genuine concern for others. Instead they impose their rather pathetic life to others.

I remember my friend Marisssa. She was the one who told me to stop and slow down. We had a thirty minute discussion about Princess Mononoke and Narnia, that eventually got to stones and flowers. She told me to stop and appreciate the falling leaf and the pebbles by the ditch. At that time, I decided that she was a nut case. But now looking back, she's right. I've missed the point of appreciating life as i was pre-occupied with all things harrowing.

Now I am enjoying the simplicity of life for what it is.

yes to simplicity.

Bye Bye Ayala

2008-05-23T03:45:00.000-07:00

Today was my last day with Ayala Malls Group. I am going back to where I came from a week from now and my excitement has waned. Well, there've been unpleasant news and to be honest and I'm quite saddened by it.

My last day also marked the celebration of Ayala Land's achievements on the recently concluded Ayalalympics. The company won the cheering competition. The last time it copped it was 1988, 20 years ago. So this year, it IS a legitimate excuse to celebrate. As Mr. Jim Ayala himself said, the people have been working (in the office) and playing (in the extras) so hard that we also deserved to party hard (!).

So off we were to NBC Tent for the 80s inspired celebration. There were some cheering, some awarding, some food and some dancing. It is the earliest party I've ever been to. We started at 10am and promptly ended by 1pm. People started vanishing as soon as JIA announced that we can take the rest of the day off. By 1pm, the area was stat clean.

It is also the first party where there was no alcohol served. For a company which holds mass several times in a month, why am I still surprised?

And this is also the first party where the oldies and the mid-aged professionals outdanced the younger set. The younger set ate and run. Went shopping? I don't know.

I stayed on because I missed dancing. I had so much pent up dance energy that I had to let it loose already.

After the party, Melody and I went to Larry's for a round of beer. At that point, I was feeling a little bora-state of mind. Under the afternoon sweltering humidity and sweat, I needed an ice-cold bottle of San Mig. Heaven I gulped inside Larry's bar.

A few minutes later, it was raining hard. I was too red and a little buzzed.

This is a kick-ass way to end my "alcohol drought" and party-less mode in the last 3 minutes.

Can i just say that this is the first party I attended where i didnt have to effing usher anyone. thank goodness.

What Indiana Jones meant to me

2008-05-23T03:10:00.000-07:00

Well, I am a little ashamed that the latest installment of Indiana Jones movie is the only Indy movie I've seen so far. It is quite pathetic since we have the DVDs at home and I never really bothered to preview the movies before watching. I purposely delayed watching them because I wanted a clean perspective with this latest installment. I didn't want to bias my judgment or anything.

May 22, Indy finally hit shores. Prior to that, I've been spying on the net what the comments have been so far since it previewed it Cannes. As expected, the reviews were mixed. The die hard fans liked it to death that they even hummed along to the fanfare. The others said they were bored all through out and that the wait was all wasted.

To be honest, I had been eagerly awaiting for this movie. The trailer was fantastic and the casting was interesting. Cate Blanchett as a Russian communist and Shia Le Bouff as Indy Jr. and Karen Allen returning. It was a casting coup! And the shots were fantastically done. And two high profile directors working on this movie. That must really translate into something, yes?

So I went ahead and waited no more. I watched on the first night.

When the movie started playing, i had to take a pause and really admire the nice aerial shot of the dessert. Everything went downhill after that. Dont get me wrong, the photography was fantastic all through out. I wish I could say the same though for the story.

I will not divulge the story here so you could watch it yourself in GREENBELT 3 - yes, shameless plugging.

To be fair, I was kept at the edge of my seat all throughout the movie. It was an action-packed movie that you have hardly enough time to pee. But I was getting antsy at one point. The scenes were far from believable and that's not a good thing. Normally, I don't comment like that because I like scenes which are over the top and proudly dangles its creative license to me. But this one, it's too much! How can it be possible for these old bats to fall down THREE TIMES from a very high waterfall without getting scathed or anything. Much less proceed to run, swim, hike, climb and all things obstacle course. NOT POSSIBLE.

Well, yes, it's Indiana Jones, it's forgiveable.

Fine.

But really what I cant forgive is the presence of martians in the movie. True to Steven Spielberg form, there's got to be ET and martian presence. I wonder why? Is this his signature scene as John Woo's flight of pigeon's during fight scenes?

Anyway, i found the whole movie quite formulaic and corny.

Formulaic because it was sooooo standard. The twists were so expected. The action scenes, you could almost smell it coming. And the foreboding angles, c'mon! Most of the scenes were dead giveaway.

Corny because of camp factor. It was very kitschy. Although I thought the angle on the peru land patterns were interesting until the aliens came. Couldn't it have been some conspiracy theory instead?

Well, my money didn't go to waste because if for anything, Indy is still Indy. It only raised my wanting to watch the other Indy films.

Meantime, i will shift my energy to Caregiver and Sex and the City movies next week.

PS: I saw the mummy 3 trailer and it is kick ass! i've never been this proud of jet li and the terracota warriors. The movie however is especially close to the MANDARIN story of Marvel comics. Hmmmm....

a teary eyed sunday homily- an account by a proud mama's boy

2008-05-10T23:42:00.000-07:00

i want to share a portion of our church homily this morning. the notes below are just excerpts and interpretations that i obtained. these are personal reflections.

my mom and i have always been closed. though there have been rough roads in the past, our relationship generally is a strong strong one. I love my mother more than anything in this world. Next to God, I trust, listen and heed her for anything and everything. She has told me several times that she loves me too. i believe that we're soul mates (not in a romantic way of course) as i have the uncanny gift of feeling what's she's feeling too.

anyway, the homily was about how we should treat our mothers.

1. respect them- be a pious son

I respect my mother. sometimes i may not agree with her as i have my personal bias but i know she means well. no matter what, she is more experienced and smarter than me and therefore i need to heed her advise. my mom is the best adviser. she says things the way it should be. and i respect her for that.

2. show them that we care

sometimes we're too busy with work or personal life that we forget all about our parents, especially mum. mums have always looked after us and so we should show a little gratitude for all their hardwork and unnecessary pains brought about by raising us.

i always text my mum how much i value her and how much i care for her. better say these things now as we don't know when one of us should pass on soon. and better that she is reminded so she constantly forgives me for my booboos, hehe.

3. do not let them worry.

i am guilty for being careless sometimes that i make her worry. i go home late usually and that's what we always argue about. mums will be mums. when one of her brood is not home yet, she will worry. and i have a habit of not texting her to tell that i will be late. She worries when i am not home yet. especially at times now when it is soo unsafe.

when mums worry, it;s like inflicting wounds on them. and that;s not good. they worry and they can;t fall asleep. expect the following day masungit sila. hahaha. but the point is, a mum will never feel comfortable when she knows that not all her children are safe and safely tucked in bed.

three scenarios that the pastor shared:

LOVE FLOWS DOWNWARD - this is a common statement that our moms would always say. until we become parents we will never know how much our mums love us. our mums are out source of love. their love flow toward us and that;s why we feel safe after, we heed her, we look for her, we want the smell of her, we want to be comforted by her. no matter how much you love her, she will always love you more. twice, thrice, more than enough.

whenever i go home, i make it a point to pass by her room first. i always lie down on her bed or wait for her sa restroom while making kwento. sometimes not even to make kwento, i just want to be beside her after a very long day. i know she gets pissed when i mess with her bed, but it's very reassuring to be in her bed and just see her there.

NO MUM COULD EVER RESIST A CHILD ABED - when we're sick, mum is the most stressed person around. she does everything to make you feel better. whether it is accompanying you to the hospital, cooking for you or just being by our bed side, she makes sure we get well soon enough.

in HK, during the outbreak of SARS, HK hospitals demanded that all family guests and visitors MUST leave the hospital for fear of contamination. but this mum refused to leave and sacrificed getting ill just to see the final days of her cancer-stricken son. she quipped in cantonese, "will i leave my son now when he is spending his last few hours on earth? is my health more important to me now when my son is very weak and dying? is my good health going to make me feel better when he departs earth? I am a mother, my heart is here with my son."

At this is point, i was getting quite teary-eyed already. Until this:

LOVE LETTER OF A MOTHER TO HER SON. This is not the original text anymore.

when we get busier in life, we tend to lose our patience faster. especially with dealing with the older set, it's quite a challenge to stay composed and patient when the other end is becoming more demanding. an already aging mom writes to her son especially about that.

when i grow old and ---

i cannot stand on my own, lend me your young and energetic arms to help me stand up. remember you were once like me. (when we were younger and still learning to walk up, remember who taught us how to do that.)

i dirty myself because i cannot hold my spoon right, remember you did the same to me. when i was teaching you how to eat, i had to endure so much just to get you to eat.

i pester you about me taking a bath. remember how much creativity i put to get you to take a bath. how many baths did i draw just to keep you clean and comfortable.

i forget about things. remember you were once forgetful and i had to repeat myself a few times to make you remember. or even reading a story book ten times just to make you fall asleep.

i keep bugging you about things. it's not that i want to meddle with your life, but because i want to be with you and know that i am needed.

or when i can;t understand gadgets, remember i was the one answering all your whys.

___________________________________________________________________________

at this point, i was already sobbing profusely. it's easy for us to forget about all her hardships when we are inconvenienced. but this opened my eye to look back and really appreciate her. we can never repay the love she gave us. probably the thing we need to do is to pay it forward. nothing warms the heart of a mum when she's told that she's raised a fine kid.

happy mums day to all mums.

i love you mum! very much.

though she will never be able to read this entry but i want to write it just the same. I want to tell her that she's my inspiration to always be humble and better myself.

Big Week Coming

2008-05-10T23:40:00.000-07:00

Don't look now but this week is going to be another big one for me.

Wish me luck as I wait for what's "out there" for me.

Con-temptation

2008-05-10T23:29:00.000-07:00

This is contemplating on something so tempting.

Just yesterday, I went through another round of contemptation. I very well know that i should not have done that but i did it anyway. Boy, am i in for another big trouble?

Well, let's just say that i am still young and can still afford to these things but at one point i do have to stop and be a strong willed person.

Generally I am in, but i am sure quite sure that this also happens to you.

But not all contemptation will turn out bad... when i bought my macbook, i know it was really not necessary. In fact, it's really just a want. but now that i bought it i realized that i have use for it. and this is my best purchase so far for the year. this was a product of contemptation. because when i bought it, i only bought it for this one secret reason... hahaha

then again, yesterday was different. sigh.

PS: no, it's nothing to do with illegal substances like drugs or e.

Twist

2008-05-08T04:00:00.000-07:00

what if by some twist of fate, what if i become a client of mccann kaya? what do you think?

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! (cue evil laughter fading while i sip red wine by the window sill with thick velvet drapes and piercing light from outside. slowly the wine spills and i drop the glass. the shattered glass pieces scratches my foot but i feel no pain. suddenly, ang mga bata, they all appear out of nowhere. I stare into a blankwall as if im hypnotized telling the boys to ligpitan sila!)

this message was originally intended for cha and mdj. but i deleted their names sa headline and placed it here instead. hehe. la lang.

Theme B

2008-05-08T03:50:00.000-07:00

This year I decided that 2008 will be my banner year. Today, officially, i am dropping that mission for something that's more relevant and meaningful to me. It will be about introspection and what I can really do.

I want to stop focusing on what i need to do this year. Instead, i will focus on what i can do and do better. I will focus my energies in doing what i strongly believe in and win in it. My first four months was okay. Nothing great, i was treading. But then something was missing. Though i gained a lot of things like time for myself, new friends and learning new things, but i felt something was missing. I felt something was wrong.

And so i felt lost. But today i am ready to return to my roots. the prodiguous journey has ended and i am coming home.

COMEBACK.

This is my new theme for myself. Comeback. It will be more back to basics and living the life that i've always dreamed of. And time to concentrate and get the pieces back together.

COMEBACK.

Today, I will be back to where i used to be.

See you soon. Sooner than you think.

Sticking Out Like A Sore Thumb

2008-05-06T02:55:00.000-07:00

Ayala Land had its townhall meeting today. You know, the one where the company president showcases the achievements, state of the company and the challenges the company will face in 2008. More important, it was the time to rah-rah and rally its people to success.

But for me, the townhall is really a show of force. It is to show that more than ever, the company has a sense of direction and that it is thinking of its people. For one, management, the bosses and its talent work together and look at the same piece of blue sky. Key word is same.

Well, so much for SAME.

I arrived early this morning since I was anticipating traffic along buendia and edsa. But since there was not much traffic at 7am, i got there in a jiff. I wanted to wear something nice because it is a time to show who's fashionable and who's not today. I also wanted to feel "good" and "responsible" and so i wore a nice shirt, naturally. I wore my ever reliable jacket to keep me warm too.

Cut to me walking along market market trying to figure out where the building was. The building was called "EVERY NATION". It was a rather strange name for a building. I saw a couple of guys in green polo shirt. Then another set in white polo shirt. But all of them in jeans and rubber shoes. I thought, nah, couldnt be. How can they come to an official function in shirt and jeans?? or can they?

At this point i broke into cold sweat. i texted my officemate slash friend regarding the dress code. "Is there a dress code for today?" He texts back saying, "A is in polo barong". I text back, "that's not an answer! is there a dress code today? I saw other people in official company polo shirt!" At this point, i wanted to die. But i kept walking hoping that my group was actually required to wear formal business clothes.

I got inside the building and i saw a sea of people in white and green. I was greeted by another officemate, "speaker ka ba? bakit iba ang damit mo." Because i was on leave yesterday, nobody told me about the dresscode. I really wanted to sock the face of my "friend". Did he do that on purpose? He texted me jokes and shit yesterday but this. I really wanted to strangle him. And here he was texting me, "Sodee". One, sodee sounds sooo retarded. and two, it's not funny.

a few more confrontational texts he admits it was his fault. he should have told me. I just couldn't take it. Hate him.

As the townhall finished, there was an upside to what i wore. While the rest were feeling extremely cold, my jacket and long sleeved kept perfectly warm. ha!

what i dont get really is how can people forget to mention these things?! and our secretary, she didn;t even bother. Come to think of it, she never really bothered for anything.

I knew how it feels to be like sore thumb. But this sore thumb was a nicely manicured one. No thanks to my cheery disposition. hahahahahahahah!

B. Double B.

Beginning tomorrow

2008-05-03T04:34:00.000-07:00

I promise to take charge of my health and lose significant fat content and manage my weight. I will be more active and serious when it comes to fitness and dieting.

Hay, help me God.

Creep Factor

2008-05-03T04:04:00.000-07:00

Chinese memorials have always been very intricate. From the old traditions to the superstitions that one has to follow, all of these are passed on culture from one generation to another. But more important, this incorporates into its very nature religion and mysticism. For lack of better word, I am using mysticism because the play of nature and time is very crucial to get desired effects. This concept is more popularly termed as fung shui (or wind and water).

To those familiar with the concept of fung shui, there's a special time to do all things. This follows looking at directions, birth signs, time of the day and what can and can't be done on the same day. Even the personalities involved have to be carefully factored and thought about. If one of the items were not followed, potentially, something bad is going to happen.

This afternoon, I attended a memorial / burial rite as a sign of respect to the elders of my aunt. This all happened in a jiff since I wasn't aware of the burial date. I was a distant relative. In anycase, I accompanied my mom.

True to fashion, we were already rushing to the funeral parlor as the rite was already about the start. By rite, I meant taking the kabaong out of the room going into the car. Now, this is very interesting. If you've seen Mano Po, they've already underlined this part before. Cogie Domingo was in the same scene on the first installment.

This whole thing starts off with the "mosiko" playing really loud music to call the spirit of the dead relative. Then the whole family and attendees will light an incense and say their last word and pay their last respects. Then the family goes around the kabaong IN ONE DIRECTION only. It is believed that when you go back you will be next. And by next, ikaw na ang iniikutan.

Now the association guys or the masons or whoever is assigned will take the body out of the funeral room. Take note, at this point, timing has to be very precise. At my lolo's memorial, we had to be out by 10AM. Apparently, all the other rooms had to be out the same time too. Again, that day was a good day, and there was no better hour than 10AM. So timing has to be precise. Dapat, you will be first. So we had arranged a back door exit so we won't meet opposing traffic. At this point, also, all those who are of the unlucky and opposing signs must NOT look at the crypt being taken out. He also should not make salubong the crypt. So they are asked to step out of the room, and even the building to be sure.

After the crypt has been delivered to the car, together with the paper items as pa-baon, off you go to the street for the "death march" - for lack of better word. The eldest son of the family calls onto the name of the dead so he will follow the crypt. This will give you goose bumps since you're already out in the street, with matching "hao lam sa" or the sack clothes as sign of mourning. And everyone's holding on to a rope attached to the kabaong. This is showing last respects. Then at one point, you have to stop and get in the car and then the get off again when you're near the cemetery. Well, you do all this for "practical reasons" of being safe.

Anyway, going back to my kwento. We were kind of late. And me and mom were from the opposing signs. So we just stayed back and waited for the march to reach our area (where we were standing up). At this point, you need to hold on to an umbrella because it was too dang hot! Then we drove off to Chinese Cemetery in Blumentritt. Well, as explained to me, we were not supposed to join the libing but since nandun na rin kami, might as well. I was already saying good bye to my work out today. bUt still hoping i could do my other plans.

When we got Chinese, it was kind of drizzling na. But the sun was shining hard naman. Until we loaded off the crypt and deliver it to its final resting place. At this point, it was already raining. We had three umbrellas in the car. But i guess out of busyness and all, the relatives of the deadfolk forgot to bring umbrellas. We lent them two umbrellas while me, mom, my cousin Ericka and uncle shared one umbrella in the rain. Since we're from the opposing sign, we couldn't go near the grave. Instead, we viewed from afar where no tent was setup. As the final rites is about to finish, it was already thunderstorming. It was already making kidlat and kulog and the wind was getting stronger and stronger. Even the rain was blowing harding and the sky darker. I only had one thought in mind: regal shocker.

As she is put to rest, the rain and the wind and the thunder were getting heavier too. I don't know if that had any connection to the dead relative but you know, in my mind, feeling like i was in a scene of a movie, something eerie was taking place. hahaha.

Then the whole rite was finished. And so was my brand new white puma sneaks. we were too wet and cold when we got in the car. I was hoping we could go home already. but as they say in chinese, we have to finish the entire thing. so we had to go to Singguan temple in Narra St., Tondo, Manila to eat Misua for tsai ki or good luck.

At that point, the rain has stopped already. But it was just about to get creepier. I thought i saw the dead (as in yung kakalibing palang) eating with her relatives on the table. okay. wait. i am changing my mind. I will discontinue finishing this story na. I am sensing something while i type this. not good. i will just make kwento some other time. I need a good sleep tonight. I can;t be bothered by bad vibes.

anyway, yun lang. it never rained this hard since last year. I was just freaked that it had to be today. yun lang.

Everybody's Gonna Love Today

2008-04-25T23:21:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's the song that's annoying Emma Ruth to death!

hehehe. wala lang

bloggorhea

uploading photos

2008-04-19T22:04:00.000-07:00

now that im getting used to facebook and the ease of uploading photos, i really find it hard and quite useless to upload photos here. Sayang, sana faster na rin dito.

Burger King The Best!

2008-04-19T04:57:00.000-07:00

Though the food has deteriorated a little, the service has vastly improved. Now that they offer free wifi to its customers, i think we would see the resurrection of BK once again. Well, aside from the wifi service, they are also offering a recharge station. Here, you can actually recharge your cellphones, and gadgets like DS, PSP and I-pod. And the cellphone station actually has provisions for all mobile phone brands like Nokia, Samsung, Moto and Sony Ericsson. This is such a great news!

And if you are wondering if the wifi service is slow given that its free, well actually it's good enough. It's running pretty okay actually.

I just hope that in the future their onion rings will become better. And i also hope that they'd come up with a hearlthier alternative burgers too!

I think i will see myself dropping by BK more often now.

Yun lang.

Mickey's Deli

2008-03-25T23:21:00.000-07:00

We went to Mickey's Deli for lunch earlier today. It was fantastic, just like the first time. I really had to eat a lot because the sausages were fantastic.

The breakfast sausages with sauerkraut was great. Though it was a little oily, it was great still. Just don't mind it when you eat it. It was also served with potato salad which was different from the usual. It had onions, coupled with mashed and whole potatoes. Yummy. Eating sausages will not be complete without the bread from French Baker. Well this time, they used a different name - a more french sounding one. But just the same it was good. Then of course i also had stuffed pork belly. It was deelish too. It was also served with potato salad. Our dessert was great too! We had trio brulee. Yes, trio brulee - three brulees served separatelty in one platter. One custard with a hint of citrus. One brulee with vanilla. And one brulee with chocolate and hint of chili.

The resto also goes with a deli and bakery on the side. So be sure to grab something before you go home. Maybe you'll need to reserve in advance since the place is always full.

YOU MUST GO!

___ blank entry

2008-03-22T23:18:00.000-07:00

Im here blogging now at an internet store in Greenbelt 4. It's not safe to give my comments now. Hehehe